American Rust
Sundays 10:00 PM on ShowtimeAmerican Rust Quotes
Del: [looking at a photo] It's definitely Pete Novick. The question is, who's the guy with the long hair and a beard?
Steve: Looks like Jesus of Nazareth.
Del: In off-brand sneakers and denim jacket.
Steve: JC Penney Jesus. Of Pennsylvania.
I don't care if you can make me cum a river of gold coins with a fuckin' card trick, Virgil. You're not stoppin' by. And besides, I'm not messin' with you again until you get yourself checked out.
Grace
Virgil: Hey. Whatever you do, do not write Many Happy Returns. Katie Danek's fat mother just chewed me out for it.
Billy: What's wrong with Many Happy Returns?
Virgil: Apparently, it's bad luck to say it at a wedding? You're only supposed to say it at birthdays and New Year's, and shit. Phyllis Danek just bit my head off! FATASS WALRUS!
Shonie: What happens if you say it at a wedding?
Virgil: I don't know, sugarbush. You probably fall in a hole or something.
Shonie: Sugarbush! [grabs him]
Virgil: Titty twist? Don't be titty twisting me in public!
Make sure you sign them two Andrew Jacksons so they know we were here cause they're gonna be too goddamned hung over to remember anything tomorrow.
Virgil
You got a lot to celebrate. Your son's gonna avoid jail time, even though he beat a kid with a two-by-four. Even though he clubbed him in the skull when he was down on his knees. That boy of yours got off with probation. Lot to celebrate.
Del
Del: You're a fuckin' moron, you know that? There are times you need to walk away.
Billy: I did walk away.
Del: You didn't do a very good job.
Grace: [downs her champagne] I love New York.
Del: Who knew the Finger Lakes could bring so much pleasure?
Del: I should shut you down for sellin' this crap.
Chloe: I've got some rubbers in the drawer. You want to buy those, too?
Del: Your dad would have smacked you for that.
Del: [reading] Finger Lakes Valley New York champagne Sparkling Wine. What the fuck you givin' me. I thought you had the French stuff.
Chloe: The French stuff moved to France. You're lucky I didn't just shoot some Fresca into chardonnay and tell you it was champagne.
Del: I'm tryin' to make a good show in here.
Chloe: So keep your mouth shut and pour. She's gonna be impressed by the green bottle and gold foil.
Isaac: Why are you friends with me?
Del: You're the only person left who makes me feel like I'm worth anything.
Steve: You huntin' out of season again?
Del: Not answering that question, but, to be clear, there are no seasons on my property. Nobody tells me what to do on my own land. I'm a good shot; I'm not gonna kill anybody. And if I did, they'd be on my property.
Steve: I'm going to forget we had this conversation.
Del: Don't forget all of it. Don't be takin' a sunset stroll on my land, especially not in a deer costume.
