Archer: Typical! Typical typical typical typical!
Lana: What could possibly have been typical about that?!
Archer: ME! I always do shit like this.
Poovey: Like what?
Archer: All I wanted to do was find out who killed my partner Woodhouse, and the next thing I know I've disappeared up my own asshole, and I'm manumitting sex slaves and grossly abusing corpses and trying to source a finger for some weird psychosexual kidnapping, and then, to top off all the bullshit, getting chased by GODDAMN ROBOTS!! I mean, [beep] halberts, Jesus Christ!!

• Permalink: Typical! Typical typical typical typical!
• Added: May 17, 2017

Lana: [to Poovey] Can you hotwire it?
Cyril: Nobody can, because it's English and it's stupid, with a bunch of stupid English wires.

• Permalink: Nobody can, because it's English and it's stupid, with a bunch of stupid English wires.
• Added: May 17, 2017

Charlotte/Cheryl: You're not planning to blindfold me and hide me in a bomb shelter with limited oxygen and send my family cryptic notes about how to find me in a race against time for my life?
Mother/Malory: Who are you, collective pseudonym Carolyn Keene?
Charlotte/Cheryl: What?
Mother/Malory: Who would go through all that trouble?
Charlotte/Cheryl: Johann Schmidt, a.k.a The Red Skull in my Nazi kidnap/rape fantasy.
Mother/Malory: Ewwww.

• Permalink: Who are you, collective pseudonym Carolyn Keene?
• Added: May 03, 2017

(to his cat) If I wanted your asshole on my mouth, I'd do it while you were asleep!

Krieger

• Permalink: If I wanted your asshole on my mouth, I'd do it while you were asleep!
• Added: May 03, 2017

Now I have no liquor. Just a big fat pair of blue lady balls.

Lana

• Permalink: Now I have no liquor. Just a big fat pair of blue lady balls.
• Added: May 03, 2017

Cyril/Figgis: As the Lord our God Himself is my witness, upon the conclusion of my current business, I shall return to this place, and visit upon you an apocalypse of such terror and destruction that you will rue, RUE, the very fact of your miserable birth!!
Coroner: (munches on hot dog) I'll be here!

• Permalink: You will rue, RUE, the very fact of your miserable birth!!
• Added: May 03, 2017

Hey! Who keeps leaving the goddamn seat down?

Poovey

• Permalink: Hey! Who keeps leaving the goddamn seat down?
• Added: May 03, 2017

Archer: How much of that did you hear?
Lana: Depends. What's your angle, Seamus?
Archer: (chuckles) Well, probably about 30 degrees.
[background rim shot]
Ray: (in background) Diminishing returns, Cliff!

• Permalink: Well, probably about 30 degrees.
• Added: May 03, 2017

Archer: Lana! I mean, Ms. Kane.
Lana: Lana is fine.
Archer: I'll say.
Lana: You'll say what?
Archer: Uhhh, nothing?
Lana: Ahhh, a man of mystery.

• Permalink: Ahhh, a man of mystery.
• Added: May 03, 2017

Dutch Dylan/Barry: Feels pretty good, huh, Dutch?
Dutch Dylan/Barry: Yes it does, other-Dutch. Yes it does.

• Permalink: Yes it does, other-Dutch. Yes it does.
• Added: May 03, 2017

Are you kidding? Dreamland has a whole goddamn Nazi robot farm in the basement. In THIS economy!

Dutch Dylan/Barry

• Permalink: Dreamland has a whole goddamn Nazi robot farm in the basement. In THIS economy!
• Added: May 03, 2017

Cecil Vandertunt: At 7am, you care for bourbon?
Archer: Deeply.

• Permalink: At 7am, you care for bourbon?
• Added: April 26, 2017