Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXFavorite Archer Quotes
Malory: Sterling! Len! Either and or both? Where the hell are you? Len?
Barry: Do you know where he is?
Malory: Yes, I'm just screaming his name down the hall to celebrate that fact.
Cheryl: Deaf people are gross.
Pam: Not as gross as the hook hand ones.
Cheryl: Eh? I dunno.
Who taught you to punch, your husband?
Pam
Archer: She doesn't look like she's just turning 17.
Lana: No, she looks like she's just turning 18.
Archer: Exactly. Plus Europeans use the metric system...
Lana [opens cooler of nothing but beer]: You're shitting me.
Archer: I know. A rainbow should shoot out every time you open it.
Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse. Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?
Archer: Dammit Cyril you said they were sexy.
Cyril: Ninjas are sexy.
George Spelvin: Right?
Cyril: Well I think so!
Krieger: So, uh have you ever thought about having a baby?
Cheryl: Sometimes I think about adopting a little baby so I could abandon it at a mall.
Krieger: That answers my follow up question.
What! Whaaaat!
Virus
Malory: Why are you drinking?
Archer: It's a party.
Malory: It's a baby shower! For the bastard child you pumped into a filthy whore!
Archer: I'm obviously not saying now, but one of these days you're make the best grandmother ever.
Archer: You're black...ish.
Lana: Ish!?
Archer: Well what's the word for it, Lana? You freaked out when I said quadroon!
Lana: (sarcastic) Imagine that!!
Archer: You imagine it!
Malory: BOTH OF YOU IMAGINE SHUTTING UP!!!
Archer: Stop. Shut up. I have to go, and If I find one single dog hair when I get back, I'll... rub sand in your dead little eyes.
Woodhouse: Very good, Sir.
Archer: I also need you to go buy sand.
Woodhouse: Yes, Sir.
Archer: I don't know if they grade it, but... coarse.
