Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXFavorite Archer Quotes
I've broken into way tougher places, right? Well, not without my turtleneck...
If you'll excuse me, I have to remove my underwear with a blow torch.
Ray
Airplane air is so dry, plus you're breathing in God knows what those tuberculars in coach are...excuse me!?
Malory
We're going eastbound and down!
Malory: If we miss that taping, I won't be responsible for my actions.
Lana: Are you ever?
Archer: I have a plan that doesn't involve you stealing my toiletries.
Gillette: You're not using them.
Archer: Yes, I am
Gillette: Go look at your pores and then tell me you're using them
That's gotta be a real knee to the old emotional nut sack.
Pam
Gillette: Archer is drunk.
Malory: Who are you, Carrie Nation?
People who like you because you have cocaine aren't people you want as friends, Pam! And not to sound elitist, but neither are people who need a roll of quarters to take a shower!
Pam: I switched the coke in Little Rock, cause I was worried that...
Archer: That because of your fat blabbering mouth, Lana would get caught with it and have to have her baby in prison, OR because you were low on cupcakes!?
Pam: Oh my God, I can't feel my face!
Archer: Gee Pam, I wonder if that has anything to do with your cocaine-only diet!
Pam: That's pretty ironic, huh?
Archer: No Pam, once again you're confusing the word "ironic" with "you are an idiot!"
