Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular Archer Quotes
Krieger: So, uh have you ever thought about having a baby?
Cheryl: Sometimes I think about adopting a little baby so I could abandon it at a mall.
Krieger: That answers my follow up question.
Malory: Why are you drinking?
Archer: It's a party.
Malory: It's a baby shower! For the bastard child you pumped into a filthy whore!
Archer: I'm obviously not saying now, but one of these days you're make the best grandmother ever.
Lana: Is that a friggin' candy bar?
Archer: Yeah, but do you think you need the calories?
Flight Attendant: Sir, can you please find your seat?
Archer: Uh yeah, it's right there. Can you go find some more hurricanes for me?
His name's Gandalf and he's not a hippie?
Lana: He's attacked nuclear power plants, hydroelectric dams, and whaling ships.
Archer: Whaling ships? What he's got something against clean burning lamp oil?
Archer [to airboat owner]: I've waited my entire life to say this exact phrase, "I'm commandeering this airboat!"
Lana: Sorry, it really is an emergency.
Archer: Of an awesome and ass-kicking nature!
Archer: This must be what it's like to have sex with me.
Lana: How could an airboat be selfish?
Try clearing your throat about a gillion more times and see if that helps.
We all have to chip in to make ISIS green. Look at me chopping ice for a Tom Collins like a field hand... or do I want a mint julep?
Malory
Lana [opens cooler of nothing but beer]: You're shitting me.
Archer: I know. A rainbow should shoot out every time you open it.
It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves.
