I’m describing a date, I don’t know what fathers and sons do but I’m gonna find out!


Do you know how many basic bitches would kill to have the same personality as me?


You trying to goad me Peralta? I don't have to engage with mall cops but I will!


Yes, I suppose that's accurate. They do call me Tenacious Ray down at the country club because for the past ten years I've been suing them for discrimination. I'm very pleased with this assessment.

Captain Holt

Jake: Alright, we need a distraction. Do you have anything we can throw?
Boyle: I have a dog tag.
Jake: That is bad ass Boyle... Nope it's an actual tag for a dog.
Boyle: Molly. She was my poodle growing up. You never forget your first.
Jake: Your first what?
Boyle: Dog.
Jake: That is never what people mean by that.

Sarge, with all due respect, I am gonna completely ignore everything you just said.


Boyle: Any idea what this emergency meeting is about?
Jake: Probably about how all the cell towers are broken and that's why Sophia hasn't texted me back. I keep checking my phone every thirty seconds like a loser.
Gina: Tread lightly son.

So you choose your dad over me, a co-worker who hates you?


Captain Holt: But I am still planning to get some retribution. I got her a parting gift.
Rosa: Tickets to "Wicked?"
Captain Holt: In Boston. She's moving to a second class city and I wanted to rub her nose in it. Enjoy the understudies Madeline. Have fun watching some chubby Chenowith knockoff warble her way through "Popular."

Wuntch: I'm here on important business. I'm a frontrunner for a job in Boston P.D.
Captain Holt: Boston... But it's so close to Salem. You know what they do to witches up there, don't you?
Rosa: This is amazing.

Hoytsman: Okay, it was cocaine! Turns out I was accidentally doing some cocaine.
Jake: Not on accident. You put it in your nose on purpose.
Hoytsman: I don't even think I have a nose Peralta! I certainly cannot feel it. The defense rests!

Amy: So, you think we can laugh about me poisining you?
Capt. Holt: Yes, I do. Someday. Perhaps over street meat. (chuckles)
Amy: Sir, did you just laugh?
Capt. Holt: Uproariously.
Amy: Oh my God! It's happening!

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Hi, Gina Linetti, the human form of the 100 emoji.


Amy: Rule number one, let's not tell anyone so we can figure out what this is first.
Jake: Smart. Rule number two, let's not put labels on it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, we're just...murmzeep and jinglebin.
Amy: Great. Rule number three, let's not have sex right away.
Jake: (pause) Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt. Good rule, no sex, good rule.