Darryl: They used to call me King of the Spread.
Hector: Nice! Because you had your way with the ladies?
Darryl: No, it was because I make pate!

• Permalink: No, it was because I make pate!
• Added: February 01, 2016

You know, all my life, I’ve wondered if I was good enough, or smart enough. But now I know you’ve always believed in me. You’ve always supported who I am…You never tried to change me. That means so much. You have no idea.

Josh

• Permalink: You know, all my life, I’ve wondered if I was good enough, or smart enough. But now I know...
• Added: February 01, 2016

Paula: You just need to use what God gave you.
Rebecca: My charm and my wit?
Paula: That’s a weird name for your boobs.
Rebecca: My boobs’ names are Bonnie and Clyde. My ovaries names are Hustle and Flow.

• Permalink: My boobs’ names are Bonnie and Clyde. My ovaries names are Hustle and Flow.
• Added: February 01, 2016

So obviously, I told her we needed some space because not seeing other people is like an inch away from hiring a wedding band. It’s better this way. We have too many differences.

Greg

• Permalink: So obviously, I told her we needed some space because not seeing other people is like an inch...
• Added: February 01, 2016

I love Joshua Felix Chan.

Rebecca

• Permalink: I love Joshua Felix Chan.
• Added: February 01, 2016

Paula: You are just setting yourself up for another one of your disasters!
Rebecca: What do you mean ANOTHER one of my disasters?
Paula: Taco festival, the Spider’s debacle, getting stuck in your shrink’s doggy door, begging a client to sleep with your mother, and lest we forget POOPSGIVING?
Rebecca: Those were unfortunate, but random, occurrences!

• Permalink: Those were unfortunate, but random, occurrences!
• Added: January 25, 2016

I wanted you to know that I’m so happy that you’re in town. And I don’t think you’re crazy at all.

Josh

• Permalink: I wanted you to know that I’m so happy that you’re in town. And I don’t think you’re crazy at...
• Added: January 25, 2016

West Covina, California. It’s so cool you see the bounty of the best town in LA County. It’s nirvana, it’s heaven, it’s mecca. And I’m hopelessly, desperately in love with…West Covina.

Josh

• Permalink: West Covina, California. It’s so cool you see the bounty of the best town in LA County. It’s...
• Added: January 25, 2016

Rebecca: Josh I’m so sorry that I lied. But the real reason that I moved here sounds so insane.
Josh: But see that’s just the thing. I don’t think it’s insane at all.
Rebecca: Wait, what?
Josh: Rebecca, I lived in New York, remember? I know what it’s like it’s tough and it’s cold…I’ve spent my whole life defending this town to people like Greg. Do you have any idea how proud I am to be the one who told you about this place?

• Permalink: Rebecca, I lived in New York, remember? I know what it’s like it’s tough and it’s cold…I’ve...
• Added: January 25, 2016

Rebecca: Is this like a date? Are you guys dating?
Greg: I don’t know.
Heather: Do people still use that word?
Rebecca: Um, yeah. Yeah.
Heather: Cool. Dating. Yeah.

• Permalink: Cool. Dating. Yeah.
• Added: January 25, 2016

Women gotta stick together all across this land, except Denise Martinez. That bitch I cannot stand.

Valencia

• Permalink: Women gotta stick together all across this land, except Denise Martinez. That bitch I cannot...
• Added: January 25, 2016

Turns out, my real life is garbage but my fake life is AH-MAZING.

Rebecca

• Permalink: Turns out, my real life is garbage but my fake life is AH-MAZING.
• Added: November 30, 2015