Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes
Bree: I am so tired of feeling like the worst mother who ever lived.
Andrew: You're not. There's grandma.
Bree: I just... I've tried so hard to set a good example. I've done the best I could to teach you kids right from wrong. Why isn't it taking?
Andrew: It took. I mean, we know the difference between right and wrong. We just chose wrong.
Bree: Why?
Andrew: Sometimes, when you push a kid really hard to go one way, the other way starts to look more entertaining.
Bree: (smiling) You're awful.
Andrew: I know. I blame shuddy parenting.
We all have our reasons for rewriting history. Sometimes we need to provide ourselves alibis...(shot of Andrew talking with his friends) Sometimes we wanna hurt someone who has hurt us...(shot of Gaby with her lawyer talking on the phone) And then there are times we just wanna spare ourselves embarrassment... (shot of Lynette talking with other ladies about Parker living the team) Of course, there are some who feel that to rewrite history is just another way to lie... (shot of Howard's wife talking about her husband working late) But what is history anyway... (shot of Mike and Edie at the hospital) but a set of lies agreed upon?
Mary Alice
Edie: Ah, here's the picture that you took of me in my bikini at that pool party. You could've warned me I was showing a little nip. Oh, Susan Mayer. Remember her?
Mike: Yeah. She's pretty.
Edie: Yeah, she is, sort of, in this picture. Is there a date on this thing?
Mike: The nurses said that she visited me a lot. We were close, huh?
Edie: You have just come out of a coma. Can we not talk about Susan till you start to regain your strength?
Mike: Why?
Edie: Oh, God. I hate to be the one telling you this.
Mike: Well, if you don't want to...
Edie: That tramp treated you like dirt. She strung you along. She slept with other guys. You broke up with her twice.
Mike: Well, why did she keep visiting me when I was out of it?
Edie: Well, she's a bit of a stalker. I was worried that she was gonna come in here and disconnect one of the tubes or something. But don't worry. She's glommed on to some new guy, and she's up in the mountains at his place with him right now.
Mike: Wow. She told the nurses that she really loved me?
Edie: That's the one thing about Susan that you must not forget. She is a liar.
Lynette: God, I hate my life
Gaby: I know, I wouldn't trade with you for anything
Ian: Well you know my number, it's only fair. Is it more than three?
Susan: Nine
Ian: Please tell me you're answering in German...
Susan: Nine lovers is not a lot! Nine lovers does not make me a slut!
Ian: Why are you getting upset?
Susan: Because it was really 11 and I knocked off two and you're still judging me!
Ian: I'm not judging you it's just... Did you work in the recording industry?
Gabrielle: How could you do this to me? I never would've let you seduce me if I knew you were getting married!
John: Well you didn't have any problems sleeping with me when you were married.
Gabrielle: You knew about Carlos, my cheating was upfront and honest!
Lynette My favorite game is counting all the things I'm dying to say to you, but I don't...like...pipe down you annoying nutjob. I'd never say that.
Nora: But it's not your life. You're life's perfect..
Lynette: Excuse me? Did you smoke that bong before you beat the guy with it?
Nora: It's just...You have it all! You have the kids, you have the career. You have the husband. You're super mom
Lynette: And you think that's easy? Okay I have a good life yes, yes I am very lucky, but I work 12 hours a day and then I come home to what seems like 33 children and a husband who refuses to get a job. Believe me there's not a super-mom out there who wouldn't trade in her cape for a chance to read a book and get a massage from a man that has the decency to leave when it's over!
John: Gabrielle.
Gabrielle: God! That's the first time I think you ever called me by my first name.
(On the airport after Bree saw a report on TV about homeless teenagers)
Orson: Bree, what's the matter?
Bree: A reporter just did a story on homeless teens, and my son was one of them.
Orson: Oh, my God. Well, we'll call child welfare the minute we get to the resort.
Bree: Orson, you can't imagine that we're still going!
Orson: Darling, the tickets are nonrefundable.
Bree: My son is eating out of dumpsters!
Orson: Yes, but think how much better you'll be able to deal with this crisis after a nice, relaxing...
Bree: Orson! My child is in trouble. Don't make me choose between the two of you, because believe me, you will lose.
Bree: Some reporter. All she could tell me was what neighborhood they found him in. They don't have any contact information, no phone number, no address.
Orson: If he had an address, he would not be homeless.
Ian: Well, there are... There are two bedrooms. One is mine... And there's a guest room.
Susan: A guest room. That, well, that's handy.
Ian: Yeah. Uh, unless, of course, you'd like to sleep in my room...
In which case, I would take the guest room.
Susan: Oh! I... uh, no, no! I should take the guest room because I am the guest.
