Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes
Tom: I bet you didn't see that one coming?
Lynette: No.. That was a real frisbee to the head, that one!
Danielle: (to Bree) When are you going to take me seriously?!
Bree: When you start acting like an adult.
Andrew: She sleeps with them, that's a start.
Bree: Is my daughter alright?
Doctor: She'll be fine. The wounds are very superficial.
Andrew: (smirks) So is the patient.
Lynette: So if Tom was cheating, you wouldn't tell me?
Gabrielle: No! But I would hire someone to beat the crap out of him.
Lynette: Aww, you're sweet.
Gabrielle: (to Carlos) You peed in my shampoo. Admit it! The cap was lose and I know how your sick mind works!
Carlos: (to Gabrielle) Oh really well in that case you should know that I wouldn't do it to your shampoo I'd do it to your mouthwash, soup and de-caffinated coffee!
Gabrielle: (to the girls) To answer your question, no we are not getting back together.
(They all pick up the coffee. stare at each other, and put the coffee down.)
Carlos, what are you doing here? I mean, besides lowering my property value.
Gabrielle
Mary Alice: (opening voiceover) The day Mike Delfino woke from his coma, Edie Britt was the first to know. Once she was sure he was responsive, Edie decided to share the good news with others... (shot of Edie running wildly through the hospital, telling a nurse) and that is how word began to spread (shot of the nurse running to the doctor):
Mike's position doctor Craig was busy with a patient when he first heard the news. Not long after, he called his aunt Ida, who was busy knitting a sweater. (shot of Ida) She told Lynette Scavo, who was busy watering her lawn. (shot of Lynette) And she told her husband Tom, who was busy playing a computer game. (shot of Tom) He then emailed his friend Carlos, who was busy plotting strategy with his divorce lawyer. (shot of Carlos calling Gabrielle) And Carlos called his soon-to-be ex-wife Gabrielle, who was busy doing the same with hers. (shot of Bree picking up the phone and telling Danielle) Yes, word of Mike's miraculous recovery spreak quickly throughout Wisteria Lane, (shot of Julie answering the phone and dialing Susan's number) and stopped cold everyone's busy, busy life. (shot of Susan in bath with Ian) Everyone that is, except for Susan Mayer, who was busy doing something, she would soon wish she hadn't.
(Lynette practising baseball with Parker.)
Tom: What are you guys doing?
Lynette: I'll tell you what were not doing, quitting.
Tom: Hey buddy, did you change your mind?
Parker: NO!
Tom: Why are you being such a hard ass?
Lynette: It's called parenting, Tom. Watch and learn.
Orson: When Andrew was on the street, he...uh...he didn't just beg for money. At times he...well, he did things to earn it.
Bree: Well, good. I mean, I'd hate to think he had no work ethic at all.
Orson: What I mean is, men hired him...uh...to do things...things he wasn't very proud of.
Bree: Yardwork?
Orson: 'Fraid not.
Bree: Orson, you're scaring me. Did he do something awful?
Orson: No, no. Not awful. People do it all the time. I do it with you. I just don't pay you for it. (Bree's jaw drops and she gasps) I think someone could use some cocoa.
Bree: I'm not telling who it is. I'm just asking the question. If you know a husband has been unfaithful, do you tell the wife?
Lynette: Absolutely! If he's been cheating, he could bring home a disease.
Bree: Okay, that's what I was thinking. I mean, that's how Bunny Connors got chlamydia.
Gabrielle: She told me she got it from wearing someone else's bathing suit.
Lynette: No, that's how she got crabs.
Gabrielle: With Bunny, it's always something. If it's not the clap, it's a botched face lift.
(Susan is in bed with Ian when Julie calls to tell her Mike woke from his coma.)
Susan: Oh my God...
(She looks at Ian)
Susan: Oh my GOD!!
