Bell: Is *anything* this kid's doing legal?
Sherlock: Define 'legal.'

I could have sworn I had that statue removed!

Morland [regarding Sherlock]

Joan: A woman did this to you.
Sherlock: ...a highly-trained woman.

Joan: Were you two in a fight, or were you having sex?
Sherlock: The two aren't mutually exclusive...

Sherlock: I know, Father.
Morland: Know what?
Sherlock: Why you never mentioned your brush with death. Why you never asked me, the finest detective you know, for assistance. You believe that I'm the man who tried to kill you.

Oh, and if you have any lingering doubts, here's how you can be certain I'm not the one who tried to kill you -- you're alive!

Sherlock

Well, I've always found the best way to come at a haystack is with a pitchfork.

Sherlock

Do me a favor -- don't be too careful when you arrest them. Person who did this belongs down here.

Eugene

So, you'll break her nose, put her in the ER, but you draw the line at murder?

Marcus Bell

We really are living in a golden age for perverts.

Joan

Neil Dannon: Look, Toby is not some loner creep, no matter how hard you try to paint him like one.
Sherlock [pulls out a box full of mutilated photos]: You were saying?

You want to steal something from a heavily-armed, meth-dealing band of bike-riding Satanists.

Sherlock

Elementary Quotes

Holmes: Why do you suppose you hate your job so much?
Watson: I don't hate my job.
Holmes: You have two alarm clocks. No one with two alarm clocks loves their job. Two alarm clocks mean it's a chore for you to get up in the morning.

Watson: How do you do it, guess things?
Sherlock: I observe and then I deduce.
Watson: How did you know I was a doctor, you said you could tell from my hands.
Sherlock: Hand, singular. It was soft no calluses.
Watson: How did you know my father had an affair?
Sherlock: Google. Not everything is deducible.