Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 4 Quotes
Hey, ya ever watch that show Scrubs? Yeah Lois had it on the other night, I was fading in and out, but I was wondering, which one's the funny guy?
Peter [To Horace]
Lois: You see, our son Chris, well...
Peter: Wait, Lois, we have to handle this delicately. Mrs. Lockhart, our son....would like to plow you.
Mrs. Lockhart: Oh, I had a feeling it was something like that
Brian: Aiight, aiight, so I'm chillin with my homies in Verona, when my homie busts out with "Yo, Romeo, check out that biatch, Juliet, in the window." The problem is, Juliet's peeps are like East Coast rappers, and my posse's representin' West Siiiide, just like my boys Tupac and Biggie. Know what I'm sayin?
Student 1: That's racist man.
Student 2: Yeah man, that's just straight ig'nant dawg
Carlos: I'm Carlos, and beneath my tough exterior is a boy aching to learn! And beneath that is a rapist.
Samantha: My name is Samantha, and my water just broke!
Brian: Oh my God!
Tim: Yo, it's my turn to deliver!
Girl: Can I have this one? My mom keeps giving mine away
Girl: O Captain my Captain!
Brian: Alright, be the best damn hooker you can be!
Girl #2: O Captain, my Captain!
Brian: In your case, I'd get the money up front
Lois: Look, Stewie, a note. You know, Mommy doesn't usually read things out of Chris' pocket, she's more respectful then that.
Stewie: Yeah sure, whatever helps you sleep at night, bitch
Chris: Why is everybody acting weird?
Lois: Chris, honey, we know what you did. And I have to say, honestly, I don't approve.
Chris: What I did? Oh, that I lied about my age to get into Indian bingo?
Peter: Uh, no.
Chris: That I had hard gas and pooed myself?
Peter: Close, but still no.
Stewie: How is that close?
Chris: Hi, everybody! What's for dinner? I'm starving!
Peter: My god, his bloodlust is unquenchable!
Lois: Peter, there's a hooker on the bed!
Peter: Stay perfectly still, Lois, their sight is based on movement.
Hooker: Where'd ya go?
Meg: I wanna watch George Lopez!
Chris: That show only perpetuates the stereotype that George Lopez is funny
Lois: Honey, what do you say we christen these new sheets, huh?
Peter: Why Lois Griffin, You naughty girl.
Lois: Hahaha, That's me.
Peter: You dirty hustler...you filthy stinky prostitute.
Lois: Okay I get it.
Peter: You foul venereal disease carrying street walking whore.
Lois: That's enough
Peter: Everybody, I got bad news - we've been cancelled.
Lois: Oh, no. Peter, how can they do that?
Peter: Well, unfortunately, Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that Fox has to make room for terrific shows like: Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonderfalls, Fastlane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girls Club, Cracking Up, The Pits, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunmen, A Minute With Stan Hooper, Normal, Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddie, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, and Greg The Bunny.
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well, I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot