Futurama Season 2 Episode 15: "A Clone of My Own" Quotes
Farnsworth: There's no one to carry on after I'm gone. No one to take care of my work and my research and my fabulous fortune. By God, that's it! I've got to name a successor.
Fry: A successor?
Zoidberg: A successor to the Professor?
Farnsworth: There's no time to lose. I'm off to my lab to build a successor-naming machine!
Farnsworth: So many loves half-loved, so many inventions half-invented. That damn time machine alone set me back 15 years.
Zoidberg: If only it'd worked, you could go back and not waste your time on it.
Farnsworth: My life is over.
Leela: No, it isn't. You have another 10 years left.
Fry: Leela! He could live another 100 years!
Leela: No, he couldn't. When you turn 160, robots from the Sunset Squad take you to a mysterious planet and you never return.
Farnsworth: Uh, what a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a 3-minute film. My best years are behind me. So much left undone. So little time.
Bender: Funny, funny stuff.
Bender: How 'bout a few words, Professor?
Farnsworth: Eh, wha?
Bender: I said "words".
Leela: After 14 years of graduate school, Farnsworth settled into the glamorous life of a scientist: Fast cars, trendy nightspots, beautiful women - the Professor designed them all working out of his tiny, one-room apartment.
Hubert J. Farnsworth was born April 9th 2851 in New New York's nerdiest slum, Hell's Laboratory. A precocious child, young Hubert learned to read while he was still in diapers - at age 8.
Leela
Y'know, when I was first asked to make a film about my nephew, Professor Farnsworth, I thought "Why should I?" Then later Leela made the film. But if I had made the film, you could bet there would have been a lot more topless women on motorcycles! Roll film!
Fry
I'm Bender and I'll be emceeing this roast. Y'know, they say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here's the Professor's oldest friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster.
Bender
Vernon: Professor Farnsworth, do you know why we've called you here today?
Farnsworth: Listen to me, you pompous frauds. If I'm going down, I'm taking you all with me. Dean Vernon, I know the truth: It was you driving your hover-car that night, not your horse. Dean Epsilon, I know all about your "Department of Pool Boy Studies". And Dr. Wernstrom... Wernstrom!
Vernon: Actually, Professor, we merely called you here to say... Surprise!
Man #1: Surprise!
Man #2: Happy birthday!
Hermes: Surprise!
Farnsworth: And you, Coach Smalley, or should I say "Coach hairpiece"?
Leela: Whatever you did, Professor, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.
Farnsworth: Yes, but they won't listen. Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain but when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooh, suddenly you've gone too far.
Cubert: What! You never seen a genius's wiener before?
(Everyone mumbles)
Fry: Once in the park.
