Futurama Season 1 Episode 5: "Fear of a Bot Planet" Quotes
Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering a package to Chapek 9, a world where humans are killed on sight.
Farnsworth
Bender: You humans are so scared of a little robot competition you won't even let us on the field!
Fry: What are you talking about? There's all kinds of robots down there.
Bender: Yeah, doing crap work! They're bat boys, ball polishers, sprinkler systems. But how many robot managers are there?
Fry: Eleven?
Bender: Zero! (throws bottle down and a small robot sweeps it up) And what a surprise! Look who's scraping up the filth! Is it a human child? I wish!
Bender: Now Wireless Joe Jackson, there was a blern-hitting machine!
Leela: Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns! I mean, come on, Wireless Joe was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels.
Bender: Oh, and I suppose Pitchomat 5000 was just a modified howitzer?
Leela: Yep.
Fry: Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe fire on you!
Leela: He'll do it. He's crazy!
Yellow Elder: Can they really breathe fire or did we make that up?
Blue Elder: Gee, I can't remember anymore. It might just be from that stupid movie.
Orange Elder: Was that the original or the re-make?
Elders, execute function-control-shift-kill.
Blue Elder
Bender: The fact is, humans are completely harmless.
Blue Elder: We're well aware of that.
Bender: You are?
Blue Elder: Of course. But they're useful to us as a scapegoat to distract the public from their real problem.
Green Elder: Like our crippling lug nut shortage.
Orange Elder: And a corrupt government of incompetent Robot Elders.
Yellow Elder: Duh, that's for sure.
Blue Elder: Quiet, Jimmy.
Bender: I can't kill them. Plenty of humans have mistreated robots, but not these two. They're my friends. Humans are no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid cowards.
Fry: Damn right!
Bender: Alright, let's make this quick, I'm due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! What is this?
Blue Elder: Silence! It is time to put the humans to death.
Fry: But the judge already sentenced us at the trial!
Red Elder: Silence! That was just a show for the public. We are the true rulers of this planet, hand-carved from meteorites by the Robot Founders over four centuries ago.
Blue Elder: Silence! Come forward, Bender. You will have the honour of executing the prisoners.
Green Elder: Silence! I concur!
Leela: Who are you?
Blue Elder: We are the robot elders.
Fry: You don't look very old.
Blue Elder: Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves.
The humans are hereby sentenced to live as robots live on Earth. They will perform tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles, until they become obsolete and are given away to an inner-city middle school.
Judge
Robot Bailiff: Uh-oh! He froze up again!
Robot Mayor: Try control-alt-delete.
Robot #1: Jiggle the cord.
Robot #2: Turn him off and on.
Robot #3: Clean the gunk out of the mouse.
Fry: Call technical support.
Robot Mayor: Your Honour, I intend to demonstrate beyond 0.5% of a doubt that these humans before us are guilty of the crime of being humans. Come to think of it, I rest my case!
Judge: Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider the evidence.
