Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce
Thursdays 10:00 PM on BravoGirlfriends' Guide to Divorce Quotes
Abby: Well that does seem, I mean I would, I mean it is important to me that the kids continue to be raised Jewish.
Jake: Why wouldn't they be?
Abby: Well, you know. [chuckles] It would be really great for us to have Shabbat together every week.
Jake: Okay.
Abby: I just feel like the traditions weren't always that important to you.
Jake: We've never done Shabbat every week, but -- what do you mean by 'you know?'
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey. You have your dominatrix driving the kids to school? How much is that costing me?
Lyla
You don't know what his style is, precious. Not anymore. Divorce makes people crazy. You don't want to go to war with a water pistol, Abby. Be smart.
Delia
We may say we want a man who will wash the dishes and change the diapers, but -- oh my God -- we do not want to screw him. [hearty laugh]
Delia
So. Mediation. You may as well burn all your money and move into a homeless shelter right now.
Delia
Oh my God. Oh my God! If you go gay, too, mom and dad would plotz!
Max
I finally got my sack back, and it's bigger than yours. [hangs up, looks at dominatrix] Did that please you mistress?
Dan
Abby: I don't -- really? I thought she had the perfect divorce. Didn't she do -- it was like a -- conscious...
Lyla: Conscious uncoupling. All spin. She probably hates the way Coldplay breathes. Nobody has a perfect divorce. You're fine. Everybody knows splitting up is hell.
Every day I get an update on the coming water wars and how we should all move to Portland.
Lyla
It was an emotional affair, we did not even kiss and I am not going to go there because a lot of people got hurt.
Abby
Jake: You really wished I was dead, huh?
Abby: Not literally....
Jake: [laughs]
Abby: You know I was on like Oxy or something. Lyla put it in my mouth.
I think my book can help you get your groove on and I, uh, believed it all when I wrote it, but now I think, what a pile of horseshit. I mean, it should be called "Not In Love Anymore, You Can Stay Married." But, screw that. You deserve more than that. I mean, women can be funny and so there and so present, but if our hearts shut down, you can't open them again with a blow torch and this book... I mean, I still think there's some good advice in there if you actually feel something, honestly, I wasn't trying to sell you a lie. I was... I mean, there were times when I would watch my husband sleeping and I would just think, if he would just die, it would be so much easier.
Abby
