Darci: We'd be very compatible parents. Two aging narcissists. We'd only have the kid half the time. The other half we'd get to have lives.
Rogelio: I can't believe you called me aging.

• Permalink: I can't believe you called me aging.
• Added: November 28, 2016

Rafael: I'm not a Solano.
Narrator: Yes, like I told you. That envelope will change everything.

• Permalink: Yes, like I told you. That envelope will change everything.
• Added: November 28, 2016

Catalina: Come here, Mr. Sweetface!
Narrator: Don't you dare, Mr. Sweetface!

• Permalink: Don't you dare, Mr. Sweetface!
• Added: November 28, 2016

Xo: I know it must have been hard seeing me with someone else.
Rogelio: Oh please! I have hundreds of women lining up to meet me. Literally. So while you're out meeting with your one measly lover, I will be meeting with a matchmaker.

• Permalink: Oh please! I have hundreds of women lining up to meet me. Literally. So while you're out...
• Added: November 28, 2016

I did have fun tonight. And for the record, I don't want to be young and crazy with anyone else but you.

• Permalink: I did have fun tonight. And for the record, I don't want to be young and crazy with anyone...
• Added: November 22, 2016

Alice: Why is that weirdo staring at you and singing about sex?
Jane: 'Cause he's my weirdo.

• Permalink: 'Cause he's my weirdo.
• Added: November 21, 2016

Jane: Catalina makes me feel a little boring. Okay? She lives this exciting and glamorous life, and she isn't afraid to break the rules.
Michael: I know.
Jane: What?
Michael: That's exactly what I was afraid of. She's making you not like your life. Suddenly, you feel like your married to some boring guy, and we're just married boring people. Well guess what? I'm not boring.

• Permalink: That's exactly what I was afraid of. She's making you not like your life. Suddenly, you feel...
• Added: November 21, 2016

I have a confession to make. The truth is, I didn't sign up for out high school dance troupe to meet girls. I signed up for our high school dance troupe to meet... a girl.

Rogelio

• Permalink: I have a confession to make. The truth is, I didn't sign up for out high school dance troupe...
• Added: November 21, 2016

Jane: Don't you think that's a little weird? Don't you think that's weird, Mateo?
Michael: That you came home drunk at 7pm? Yes.
Jane: That he's like... hitting on her in front of me.
Michael: I mean, not really. She's definitely his type.
Jane: What does that mean?
Michael: Hot... like you.
Jane: You think she's hot?
Michael: I think you're hot.
Narrator: Turn it around, man.
Michael: Why are you acting all jealous?
Jane: I'm not jealous.
Michael: You love her. You think she's great. So what if he does too?
Jane: If he does too, that's great.
Michael: Great.
Jane: Great.

• Permalink: You love her. You think she's great. So what if he does too?
• Added: November 21, 2016

Petra: So let me be unequivocal. We are never ever getting back together. Ever.
Scott: You don't have to throw our song in my face.

• Permalink: You don't have to throw our song in my face.
• Added: November 21, 2016

Here's what I don't understand... how you were married to me, said you loved me, then slept with my sister and worked along side her for months without ever realizing it wasn't me.

Petra

• Permalink: Here's what I don't understand... how you were married to me, said you loved me, then slept...
• Added: November 21, 2016

Petra: I tried nice. And I was freaking paralyzed and nobody even noticed. So I am done with nice.
Narrator: Get ready, friends. The bitch is back.

• Permalink: Get ready, friends. The bitch is back.
• Added: November 15, 2016