We'll be on her like white on rice... which might sound racist because we're white and she, presumably, like rice.

Cam

I'm just a boy trying to bring style back to travel.

Manny

You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.

Jay

You're all the porn I need.

Phil

I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.

Luke

If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.

Manny

Take it down a notch. We're just trying to make a friend not initiate a three-way.

Mitchell

Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.

She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

Alex [to Haley]

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.

Luke

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me