Gloria: Lily! When something awful happens, you're going to be mine!
Mitchell: It really is an "if" situation...
Gloria: All mine!

Gloria: I said I was sorry! But I've had them since I was two. Huge ones!
Phil: What is she...?
Claire: Earrings, Phil. Earrings.

You know why else he's gonna be ok? Because somewhere out there is a little girl who's making lists and labeling bins...and he's gonna find her.

Phil

Please don't let me screw up our son!

Claire

Cameron: You punctured our daughter!
Gloria: But did you see both sides? I didn't just do the gay ear, look!

Mitchell: How are you doing?
Cameron: Oh not good. I'm just glad my clown training prepared me to take a fall like that.
Mitchell: In terms of talking about it, are we looking at weeks? Months?
Cameron: Do not minimize it, oh he who I had to rush to the emergency room when he fell out of his clogs.

Wait! There's the esteem-building parent right there. Wait! I think I hear future Lily sending us a message from her stripper pole. Thanks gay-dad dads; this dance is for you!

Cameron

Psychologist: Mrs. Dunphy, what exactly are you worried about?
Phil: Get comfortable.

Luke: She's like the best doctor every. A couple of puzzles. No shots. I didn't even have to take my pants off. I found that one out a little late.
Phil: I've been there buddy.

Phil: You're just a worrier, like when you thought he was never gonna talk.
Claire: He was two, and all he could do was bark.
Phil: I understood him.

Manny: If I'm sick, I might get the chaperone sick. And without the chaperone, it's anarchy! The buddy system falls apart; the principal of last-in, first-out is ignored.
Jay: It's butterflies.
Manny: Where?

Cameron: I love Jay, but I don't know about him raising a child.
Mitchell: He raised me.
Cameron: Well now you've put me in an awkward position.

Modern Family Season 2 Episode 20 Quotes

Claire: Phil, the frying pan is on fire!
Phil: Son of Jor-El! Everybody stay calm!

Jay: Want some coffee?
Manny: Say yes. It's french press. I was doubtful too, but I honestly can't see myself going back to drip.