Manny: I wish I could stay home with you and fly toy airplanes.
Jay: These aren't toy airplanes, Manny. These are models and they're very complicated. You wanna fly one of these, you gotta be familiar with air foyle, drag, lift and thrust, and these are all principles of aerodynamics.
Manny: The box says twelve and up.
Jay: What?!
Gloria: You can fly toy planes with Jay next time. Today you have to spend time with Luke.
Manny: Why?
Gloria: Because his mother invited you, so you go. Family needs to be close, right Jay?
Jay [looking at the box]: I'm pretty sure this is a typo

• Permalink: I wish I could stay home with you and fly toy airplanes. These...
• Added: October 08, 2009

Claire: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad.
Phil: I thought we were past all that. I'm all about taking it to the next level.
Claire: Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real.
Phil: Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?

• Permalink: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his g...
• Added: October 08, 2009

You know, instead of trying to force me to wear a dress, why don't you worry about getting Luke to wear some pants?

Alex [to Claire]

• Permalink: You know, instead of trying to force me to wear a dress, why don...
• Added: October 08, 2009

One time my dad was struck by lightning. That's why he can drink as much as he wants

Manny

• Permalink: One time my dad was struck by lightning. That's why he can drink...
• Added: October 01, 2009

90 percent of being a dad is just showing up

Jay

• Permalink: 90 percent of being a dad is just showing up
• Added: October 01, 2009

Am I attracted to her? Yes. Would I ever act on it? No, no way. Not while my wife is still alive

Phil [about Desiree]

• Permalink: Am I attracted to her? Yes. Would I ever act on it? No, no way. ...
• Added: October 01, 2009

You had to clip my wings which you used to be the wind beneath

Cameron [to Mitchell about not letting him act himself in class]

• Permalink: You had to clip my wings which you used to be the wind beneath
• Added: October 01, 2009

Mitchell: my name is Mitchell and I'm a lawyer
Cameron [trying to sound straight]: My name is Cameron and I am currently not working, which gives me more time to grill and shoot baskets

• Permalink: My name is Mitchell and I'm a lawyer My name is Cameron and I ...
• Added: October 01, 2009

The only way his dad is like superman is that he landed in this country illegally

Jay [about Manny's father]

• Permalink: The only way his dad is like superman is that he landed in this ...
• Added: October 01, 2009

Manny [about his father]: He's not afraid of anything, he doesn't wear a seat belt when he drives. He killed a bear once
Jay: Oh yeah? Was the bear in the passenger seat?

• Permalink: He's not afraid of anything, he doesn't wear a seat belt when he...
• Added: October 01, 2009

Gloria [about Manny]: It's good, he keeps us grounded
Jay: Like a fog at a airport

• Permalink: It's good, he keeps us grounded Like a fog at a airport
• Added: October 01, 2009

I'll put on a polo and a pair of khakis and maybe people will think we're just a couple of golf buddies who decided to have a kid together

Cameron

• Permalink: I'll put on a polo and a pair of khakis and maybe people will th...
• Added: October 01, 2009