I gotta stop talking to that kid while I'm drinking.

Jay

I'm not a doctor yet, but it seems like you're having some sort of brain episode.

Alex

Jay: Name two cabinet level positions.
Gloria: That's easier. There's the higher one for the glasses, and the lower one for the pots and the pans.

Claire: We were called into Principal Brown's office one week before Alex's graduation.
Phil: That can only mean one of two things. Either she's going to be valedictorian, or they're giving an award for sexiest dad.

Lily: Mrs. Daniels my projects have too much glitter.
Cam: Okay. Well, she needs a Mr. Daniels, because a project can't have too much pizzazz.

Maybe next year, Alex.

Alex

Jay: Okay, we can solve both our problems. We put this princess castle together in the next thirty minutes. Let's go!
Phil: How does this solve my problem?
Jay: Just go!

  • Permalink: Just go!
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Something was bugging him, he needed to talk. It's like I don't want to be happy.

Jay

Cam: The writing's on the wall.
Lily: But mostly on the curtains.

Cam: He is so adorable.
Mitch: I know, isn't he? Remember when Lily was like this?
Lily: What do you say when I'm not here?

I wanted two rough and tumble boys. I got a Manny and a pedi.

Jay

Cam: Woo! That's the real Jay!
Jay: You know it! [snaps finger]

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.