Nick: We're just gonna watch football, drink beer, and then we're going to Best Buy later for Black Friday.
Winston: Or as I like to call it, Friday.

Jess: What you doing for Thanksgiving?
Paul: Well I always spend it with my Grandmother, but -
Jess: That's so nice!
Paul: She just died.

Oh my God, there's two of them!

Nick

Well I can blanch or I can talk but I can't do both!

Schmidt

You tell anyone we held hands, I have 2 people in my phone who will kill you.

Cece

Cece's really vulnerable right now. When she's drunk, she has no boundaries. She's really grabby, really physical, she's really loose with her body. So I just wanna apologize in advance for anything she might do.

Jess

Winston: What is between you and that chair?
Schmidt: Just a little bit of sunshine.

Cece: I really felt that Gavin was different. Didn't you feel like Gavin was different?
Jess: Yea, I mean he seemed like a really nice...European DJ with a face tattoo.

Gavin: This is my favorite Deep V!
Jess: It's just a deeper V!

Nick: Just stop being so nice!
Jess: Your mother's being so nice.
Nick: Slam on my mother.
Jess: Your mother's gonna slam on your mother.

Jess: I don't need any help! Nick and I are friends. You don't know cause you don't have guy friends. You just hang out with jerks like Gavin. Or, I'm sorry DJ Dia-beatit.
Cece: He has diabetes.
Jess: He does? Boohoo! I'm sorry. Is it bad? Cause I feel really bad.
Cece: He's fine, he takes medication.

I'm not like you! I don't just jump in the potato sack, with the first potato that I meet with diabetes!

Jess

New Girl Season 1 Quotes

Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

I could pretend to be more like you, Jess, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.

Nick