Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 2: "The Stakeout" Quotes
Leslie: We have a criminal emergency on our hands. Someone planted a gateway drug in the community garden.
Ron: Call the cops.
Leslie: Then it will leak to the press. Then there will be an investigation, and they'll find my fingerprints on the manure, and then we'll lose our funding.
Ron: You don't have funding.
Leslie: We never will if this gets out.
Leslie: Ron! Did you get my text?
Ron: No.
Leslie: Did you get my email?
Ron: Mmm.
Leslie: Did you see that I paged you?
Ron: I did not.
Leslie: Did you get my voicemail?
Ron: I didn't.
Leslie: What kind of spice is this?
Tom: The best way to figure out what kind of spice THAT is ... is roll it up into a joint and smoke it.
Ann: I just want to check one last time that you're okay about this date with Mark.
Leslie: Oh, Ann, I am so fine. As long as you and me are cool. You know my code. Hos before bros. Uteruses before duderuses.
Ann: Got it.
Leslie. Ovaries before bovaries.
I want to be president someday, so I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was kind of indescribable really. I felt like I was floating. It turns out that there wasn't any marijuana in it, it was just an insanely good brownie.
Leslie
Leslie: All that matters is that Ann and Mark got home okay. That Ann went back to her home and Mark went back to his home. That they're both at their homes, and-
Tom: Leslie. Mark's an idiot. You can do better than him.
Leslie: Aww. Thanks Tom.
Tom: I don't mean me. Keep it in your pants, Knope.
Tom: What is this?
Leslie: It is a mix CD. It's full of songs about people watching people ... it's mostly Sting.
Tom: [on his name] I changed it to Tom Haverford. Because brown guys with funny sounding Muslim names don't make it far in politics.
Leslie: What about Barack Obama?
Tom: Okay. Yeah. Fine. Barack Obama.
Cop: Ma'am, as I told you, this is a police matter.
Leslie: Well, it doesn't seem to MATTER. To the POLICE!
Cop: Okay, nice job with that.
Cop: What branch of government are you in?
Leslie: Parks and Recreation.
Cop: Parks and Recreation.
Leslie: Yes. Parks and recreation. Did I STUTTER?
April: I had to wait until my dad fell asleep so I could steal his keys. you ready?
Ron: I was born ready. I'm Ron F*%king Swanson.
