Resident Alien
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on SyFyResident Alien Season 1 Episode 3: "Secrets" Quotes
Harry: Sleep. Another example of humans being weak and inefficient. Their bodies must shut down for eight hours every single day, or they don't work properly. Please be six am. Please be six am. [It's 3:46 am]
I am not alone up here. This is bad. I just felt my rear iris pucker and my testicles tighten. My taint remains unchanged.
Harry
Well, you don't have anything to worry about. I am not an alien, unfortunately. I hear they are pretty cool.
Harry
Harry: Good morning, dickhead.
Max: You can't call me that. That's a nasty word.
Harry: Oh, I'm sorry, shit for brains.
Max: You're inappropriate! And you stole my flyers!
Harry: Do you want to put them back up? Go ahead. No one believes you, anyway, not even your parent. Tell people I am an alien. Climb to the highest tower in town and shout it to everyone.
Max: We don't have towers, you dumb alien.
Harry: I know! That was a figure of speech.
Max: No it wasn't. Oh my God. You actually thought we had towers.
Harry: I did not!
Max: You're so stupid. Hi, I'm an alien and I think it's castle times so there are towers.
Harry: I was testing you to see if you thought there were towers, and you're lucky you passed!
Max: Well, I'm going to go to school now.
Harry: Wait.
Max: I hope a tower doesn't fall on me because we live in make-believe times.
Harry: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO THINKS THERE'RE TOWERS! Dickhead. Assh...asshole.
Sheriff Mike: Alright. Shutup! I want it so quiet in here you can hear a mouse piss on cotton, you understand me?
D'arcy: Nope.
Harry: [internal] [holding up severed foot to his] Definitely my foot. It's amazing how my people have developed the ability to mimic other lifeforms on a cellular level. We are an incredible [Asta makes a noise] and I forgot to close the door!
Asta: When you're done being next-level weird, we have the Briscoes in the exam room.
Harry: Oh! There's my sock! It's here.
Sheriff Mike: Where's my goddamned foot? You stole my dead five little piggies, not to mention Liv's favorite bucket. She puts her soda pop in there!
No one knows where great ideas come from, but you always remember where you were when they came. And in this case, my great idea came the moment I entered the exam room and I realized I was going to cut the foreskin off this baby's dick and hand it to the Sheriff.
Harry
Stress. Fear. No wonder humans can't sleep at night.
Harry
D'arcy: They find that body, I'm gonna legit kill myself.
Asta: When you said have some fun, I thought you meant dinner or maybe a movie.
D'arcy: Come on! We've got a live show here. The finale, fingers crossed, is a bloated dead corpse.
Oh. I see somebody I want to talk to. With my butt.
D'arcy
Everybody has secrets. Fear is such a great motivator. It makes people lock those secrets away. But for every one person locking away their secrets, there are two more people seeking to uncover the truth.
Harry
