Favorite Scrubs Quotes
Mickey: (running around like an airplane) I'm a pretty airplane! Board me.
Murray: He's a little off...
J.D.: He smells like fuel.
Murray: He's an airplane.
J.D.: ...And now, Mr. Mueller's doing so much better, I'm not even sure telling him the truth about his pancreatic cancer is even the best thing for him.
Dr. Cox: So, what you're saying is that you have a problem that is totally your problem, but you'd like to find a way to make that problem my problem. But here's the problem, Newbie: it's not my problem. So whatta you say we stop talking about the Janitor's junk; I'd like to hear nahsing about ze German; and don't even mention Tasty Coma Wife, even though I know she's on your mind.
Dr. Kelso: (on the phone) Darling, I wanna say something. For the past 25 years, we've been going through the motions - once every couple of weeks we have sex, and then we have breakfast without saying a word. Well, tonight, I want you to put on a nice dress, because I'm gonna take you to dinner and I'm gonna start telling you all the things I haven't taken the time to say all these years... I love you, too.
Ted: That was...beautiful, sir!
Dr. Kelso: Thanks, Ted. Call my wife, tell her I won't be home tonight.
Turk: Who behaves that way at a mini mart?
J.D.: I'm sorry Turk, but when I put that single beer down on the counter and that 18-year-old checkout kid is like, "Oh, big night?" it just pissed me off, you know. I mean, who is he to judge us? He needs to know we're not two lame-o's with nothing going on.
Turk: So that's why you bought the box of condoms and the flare gun.
J.D.: Exactly. Now whenever he thinks of us he'll picture us splitting a beer, sexing up the ladies, and shooting off flares. You know, like men do!
Turk: That does sound pretty awesome.
J.D.: I knew you'd come around.
Drill-Fork! You can drill and fork! Mostly fork.
Janitor
Elliot: Uh, Dr. Kelso! You're the Chief of Medicine, is there a special way to communicate with the nursing staff that I'm not getting?
Dr. Kelso: Well, uh, sugar won't work because they're already so sweet. Now, listen Dr...Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is, you tattled yesterday, I responded - I feel closer to you than ever, really - but the ramifications are yours. So don't try to drag me into your pathetic, whiny, little squabble with that God-awful bunch of malcontents. I hope you all kill each other! Have a great day, ladies
Dr. Cox: Newbie, I always punch the tabs out of my tapes so there's no possible way they can be recorded over, so pa-lease tell you didn't use the tape that was already in the camera.
J.D.: Banana hammock.
Dr. Cox: So another words, there is no permanent historical record of the birth of my friend's baby?
J.D.: Well, you know, I think that the baby itself would serve as proof that, you know, born.
Dr. Cox: You don't understand what you've done. My ex-wife is probably going to hold this over my head so long that I doubt I'll ever see the sun again, and I liked the sun newbie. It make me hopeful.
J.D.: Well I was there so, you know, I could certainly jot down some of my feelings and impressions
J.D.: What do you say we change the tone a little bit and both say something nice about each other? I'll go first. Look at you. There's no way around it, you're a beautiful man
Sean: Thank you, J.D.
J.D.: Now you go
Sean: I never agreed to that
J.D.: Beautiful son of a bitch
Normally I like to sleep in, but part of me is an early riser.
Cole
Troy: Oh, your face is red like a 'strawbrary'.
Janitor: Don't have kids.
Do yourself a favor and pick a leadership style and stick to it, but please avoid aggressive shaming because its my bread and butter.
Dr. Cox
Jordan: Hey, stud, thank you for not asking me to help out on the Mr. Bober thing.
Dr. Cox: I would've but, it would have been pointless. It turns out, you're a very predictable woman, there, Jordan.
Jordan: Puh-lease!
Dr. Cox: I know you. You're gonna walk into that board room tonight, all tall and strong, and then you're gonna sit back and just pray that nobody asks your opinion. I mean, I'm sure you-you probably think that your little visits here are a spontaneous surprise, but, did you ever wonder why the only two candles that I own are already lit when you walk in that door? I mean, doll, I hate to tell you this but, I don't walk around all day with cologne down in my engine room. I'm not that guy!
Jordan: Some people like reliability.
Dr. Cox: In a sedan, it turns out it's terrific
