Scrubs Season 2 Episode 15: "His Story" Quotes
Elliot: Oh, Laverne, I am so excited about this doctor that I just met. He's nice... and humble... I just hate it how so many doctors are so self-centered, you know?
Laverne: Mm. I know exactly what you mean, girl. Just yesterday, I was-
Elliot: Oh, and he's so cute, too!
Turk: Marry me.
Carla: Still thinking.
Turk: Okay. Baby, I have finally figured out what's bothering you, though.
Carla: Really?
Turk: Yep. You think I haven't played the field enough.
Turk: Well, I just want you to know that I have had a long, productive playing career, over which time I have slept with many, many women... And by "many, many women" I mean... three.
Carla: Mmmmmm.
Turk: Take away two, equals one, and that's you. Marry me?
You! And your damn physical! Thanks to the high blood pressure you found, my insurance premium is gonna cost me an extra six grand this year! That's six grand my wife already spent on a new chin! If I were you, I would be planning to work every holiday from now until a few months after you're dead!
Dr. Kelso
Turk: Baby, I figured it out. This is what you're afraid of: The typical surgeon - a dumb, arrogant frat-boy whose behavior is so disgusting, it is embarrassing for a woman to be seen with him. No offense, buddy.
Todd: None taken. Hey, I gotta run. They're doing a breast reduction on three, and I want to get up there and try and stop it! You know what I'm talking about!
Carla: It's not The Todd.
Turk: It's gotta be The Todd.
Carla: Turk, will you stop? Yes, I've never been a big fan of surgeons. And, yes, I worry about your maturity sometimes - I'm a worrier, it's what I do. But you have got to stop trying to pinpoint what the reason is.
Turk: 'Cause there's so many of them, right? I mean, you don't like who I am... you don't like what I do...
Carla: Come on. I like the way I have to stand up on my tippy-toes to kiss you.
Turk: It's not enough.
Dr. Gross: I got very drunk last night... And I decided that I'm not giving up on you. So... how'd you do with my counting exercise?
Dr. Cox: Honestly, I tried it once and I thought it was stupid.
Dr. Gross: That's it - we're done.
Dr. Cox: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're dumping me?
Dr. Gross: I hope we can remain friends!
Dr. Gross: Fine. You want to know what I really think? Your problem isn't that you make bad choices, it's that you identify the good choice and then intentionally do the opposite. You see, behind this boorish bravado of yours is a paralyzing fear of letting anyone into your life. And it isn't because you weren't loved when you were a kid, it's because you're so ego-centered that the love wasn't enough. So, you pulled pig-tails and you pushed the fat kids into the dirt so no one could ignore little Perry. Well "little Perry" is now forty years old. And you're so invested in this neurotic, narcissistic notion of yourself as "loner" that you can't quit. And you'll just keep dumping on everyone around you, until eventually - and please, trust me on this - there won't be anyone left.
Dr. Cox's Narration: There's a million reasons a relationship can crash and burn...
Dr. Cox: Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooo. Gimme a break.
If it isn't my favorite career counselor. You wouldn't happen to have any more tips on how to climb down the ladder, would ya?
Dr. Cox
J.D.: I've been doing some thinking, about how you're always blaming me for everything, and how you just send a constant stream of crap my way... and I decided I need a break.
Dr. Cox: So, what'd you come by to tell me you're a complete wuss?
J.D.: No. I... came over here to tell you that I traded with another resident and switched off your service for a while.
Dr. Cox: Well, tears-&-hugs, there, Katie. But, unless you want to come inside, here, and give one of the fellas a lap-dance, I'm afraid I gotta say Sayonara, 'cause I got twenty guys in here and it's about to get nutty! All the best, baby.
Doug: Uh, Dr. Cox. I was the one who switched with J.D.
Dr. Cox: Nervous Guy... How you feeling?
Doug: A little nervous.
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's okay. Don't worry about a thing, 'cause I'm gonna ease you in. Here's the deal: You have exactly eight seconds to find this patient's chart or you're through here.
Doug: God! Chart? Chart? Anyone?
Laverne: You want me to look for it?
Doug: Did anyone see a chart?!
Dr. Cox: Nah, I got the chart right here.
Elliot: Cheer-up hug?
Carla: What?
Elliot: Well, when I was little, and something made me sad, my mom would always have the maid give me a cheer-up hug.
Carla: Ahhh, further explaining your love of the Latino people.
Okay, wait, wait, wait. Now, are you kissing me because you actually want this to go somewhere, or because you feel bad about blowing me off yesterday? Actually, I don't care either way.
Paul
