Scrubs Season 4 Episode 20: "My Boss' Free Haircut" Quotes
Carla: Okay... You know I was skeptical but it's been kinda nice reminiscing about my Mom.
Elliot: It's about to get a whole lot nicer.
Tape Recorder: Hi sweetie, it's Mom! I just called to tell you how much I love you!
Carla: Oh my god!
Elliot: It's J.D.'s old answering machine.
Tape Recorder: Hi Carla! I sure wish you would call me once in awhile!
Elliot: Hadn't heard that one. (unplugs the answering machine) So, uh, what other stories do you have about your Mom?
Tape Recorder: Carla!
Elliot: God there's batteries!
Dr. Kelso: Okay... moving on! From the numbers I'm seeing on your fasting gluclose and triglcerides I'm suspecting-
Miss Goldman: Metabolic syndrome...
Dr. Kelso: Yes. Now, this condition is not that rare-
Miss Goldman: One in five people have it.
Dr. Kelso: Stop doing that!
Dr. Kelso: What we are dealing with are venostasis ulcers, most likely because of your weight.
Miss Goldman: Wow! You figured out that I'm fat! You're either a brilliant doctor or every guy I've ever gone to high school with!
Carla: And I am not kidding you. My Mom turns to the guidance counselor and she says (speaks Spanish)
Elliot laughs hysterically
Carla: You understood that?
Elliot: No, but I know when I'm supposed to laugh in any language.
Dr. Cox: Real nice outfit there, Bobbo.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, you just go right ahead and say what you want, because Dr. Bob Kelso is back in action and he hasn't missed a step. Now! Where do we keep the sick people?
Junior, I don't know what you doin' in my area, but you better be lookin' for some bandages 'cause you're gonna need them when I get through with you.
Laverne
Dr. Kelso: Now you listen to me, Betty. No matter how long it takes, we're gonna get through this.
Doctor: Congratulations Bob, they just named you Chief of Medicine!
Dr. Kelso: BINGO! Smell ya later, Betty!
Oh, oh yeah. Your skin's all messed up.
Dermatologist
Dermatologist: You called for a consult?
Dr. Cox: Mr. Warner... do you see what you've made me do? By once again choosing to spend all of your free time out on the surface of the sun until melanoma has developed, you have forced me to pull the attending dermatologist away from his bacne seminar and validate his most ridiculous of career choices.
J.D.: But the one thing I do know is when a woman wants her space, you give her her space! My sixth grade girlfriend taught me that...
Flashback
Young J.D.: No Libby. I won't leave you alone until you explain why you ignored me on the bus.
Libby kicks him in the crotch and walks away
Young J.D.: AHHHH!
End Flashback
J.D.: I hope she's dead.
Intern: Shhh! The movie's about to start!
Elliot: Go home, Cathy.
J.D.: Where did she get popcorn?
Barber: That'll be eighteen dollars.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm not paying. I'm a doctor!
Barber: Yeah... we don't do that anymore. You're paying.
Dr. Kelso gets up and runs out the door
J.D.'s Narration: You still have to try, though. Because as a recently incarcerated doctor once said, "Nothing worth having comes easy."
