Carla: Keep it together, baby. We'll have brunch together on Sunday and we'll see where we're at.
Turk: Yeah but I wanna be where you're at while we're trying to figure out where we're at!

(Elliot is on the phone with J.D.)
Dr. Cox: Ask Betty why he's such a girly girl.
Elliot: Not now.
Dr. Cox: Do it now. Dow it now. Call her Betty.
Elliot: You're insane.
Dr. Cox: Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty. Betty.
Elliot: (To J.D.) Betty?
J.D.: Yeah?
Elliot: Oh my God, it worked!

Dr. Kelso: There are no magical fixes. It's all up to you. So get up off your keester, get out of here and go start doing the work.
Ms. Goldman: What if it's too hard?
Turk: Yeah. What if it's too hard?
Dr. Kelso: Turkelton, I have no idea why you're chiming in, but I'll say this to both of you. Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.
Turk: I gotta go.

Okay, here it goes. Ho ho this is so weird. I don't really know what to say. Sorry I haven't visited much, I've been kinda busy. ...That's not true. Why am I lying to a slab of granite?


Dr. Cox: I will tell you one thing, though. If you even want to have an outside chance of reaching someone nowadays... you damn sure better speak from your heart.
Dr. Kelso: Thank you, Perry.
Dr. Cox: Blow it out your ass, Bob.

Dr. Kelso: Every mother wanted me to marry their daughter cause I was a doctor. And I used that to sleep with all those mothers. That's what "house call" used to mean.
Dr. Cox: Those were the good old, incredibly disturbing, days, Bob.

I want to Bob, I really do. But, my first patient today was a snot-nosed little punk who wouldn't let me give him a rectal exam unless I said pretty please first, and I'm just not big on begging strangers to stick my hand up their butt. Not even in my private time.

Dr. Cox

Dr. Kelso: When the hell did patients stop respecting us? I really tried to help that young woman in there today, but she rolled over me like Enid's wheelchair over Baxter's tail.
Dr. Cox: Hmm?
Dr. Kelso: Enid was recently paralyzed, I haven't told anyone.

Turk: Dude, it's not your fault. Don't get me wrong, hanging with you these last coupla days has been niiice!
J.D.: Nice? It was intoxicating! You were hanging with the J. Dizzle! I'm sure it felt like some sort of crazy dream!
Turk: I know, cause with the J. Dizzle, everything's hassle free!
J.D.: Yeah, like some sort of crazy, hassle-free dream!
Turk: Okay, stop!

Elliot: Aw, Carla, you can totally talk to people once they're gone. I used to talk to our maid Consuela all the time!
Carla: When did she die?
Elliot: When I was eleven. At least, that's what my dad told me. I mean, I found out after college that he actually had her deported for putting knives in the fork drawer.
Carla: You know Elliot, you're a lot more normal than you should be.

Dr. Kelso: AGH! I don't know how she jammed this. Can you open that door?
Janitor's Narration: Okay, you made it up here without passing out or vomiting, now just calmly and eloquently explain that you can't open the door right now and he'll be on his way.
Janitor: Hlrlrrrrrrrrrrrr
Janitor's Narration: Well done!

J.D.'s Narration: Last summer, Turk and I were forced to choose between helping to stem a hepatitis C outbreak in the inner city or going to bartending school. I've always felt we did the right thing. Especially since I knew Turk had to blow off some steam before his big meeting with Carla tomorrow.
J.D.: Alright everybody! We're your guest bartenders - we'll be here all night!

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 20 Quotes

Carla: I just know I really could've used you around this week! I miss you.
Turk: Can you tell her I miss her too? You know what, never mind. Because she wouldn't believe you.

Barber: That'll be eighteen dollars.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm not paying. I'm a doctor!
Barber: Yeah... we don't do that anymore. You're paying.
Dr. Kelso gets up and runs out the door
J.D.'s Narration: You still have to try, though. Because as a recently incarcerated doctor once said, "Nothing worth having comes easy."