Scrubs Season 4 Episode 20: "My Boss' Free Haircut" Quotes
J.D.'s Narration: It's weird. I mean, I want his marriage to work out, but it's nice to have Turk all to myself again.
Janitor's Narration: It's weird. I want to follow him down the hall and crack him over the head, but I'm so drunk right now I know I'll collapse if I even move an inch.
Turk: Hell yeah! There's no beer in the fridge, you know we're gonna have to make a stop and pick up some hooch!
Hooch: Yeah Turk?
Turk: Sorry man, I was talkin' 'bout the beer!
Hooch: Oh, that's no problem buddy.
Turk: Alright!
Hooch: Just seems like you could have said "beer". It's a much more common word.
Turk: My bad. Uh... won't happen again.
Hooch: "Won't happen again."
J.D.: You knew he was there, didn't you?
Turk: Couldn't help myself.
Dr. Kelso: Hello Miss Goldman! I'm your doctor.
Ms. Goldman: Don't you mean my doctor's great, great, great, great grandfather? You're old!
Dr. Kelso: Yeah, I got that.
Laverne: Dr. Kelso! I didn't recognize you in scrubs.
Dr. Kelso: That's okay Laverne, I didn't recognize you without your mini TV and your feet up.
Elliot: Surprise!
Carla: What's goin' on?
Elliot: We are going to celebrate your Mom's death! I mean, your Mom's life. We're gonna celebrate your dead Mom's life! I even got a cake!
Carla: Wow. Does it say "dead" anywhere on it?
Elliot: Not any more!
Elliot: Carla is just bottomin' out man. I mean I'm not even supposed to be here at work today, I just came to use the bathroom because she keeps violating The Rule.
J.D.: Quiet on the crapper?
Elliot: Yeah! It's like she just stores everything up until my cheeks hit the seat! She thinks she's exempt from the rule! Nobody is exempt from The Rule, J.D.
J.D.: Okay, shhh, it's okay. I'll never talk to you on the crapper. Okay.
Elliot: I cannot afford to soundproof my bathroom!
J.D.: It was our first annual interracial buddy movie night! We had to.
Turk: Ya know, I'm still pissed that you thought "Turner & Hooch" was an interracial buddy movie.
J.D.: I didn't know it was Tom Hanks and a dog, okay? Don't paint me as a racist just because I thought "black guy" when I heard the name Hooch.
Hooch: Yeah J.D., what's up?
J.D.: Oh! Sorry Hooch, we were just talkin' 'bout the movie.
Hooch: No biggie, happens all the time!
Dr. Cox: The Bobatron is actually gonna try to connect with another human being? It is so on! Guys! It's so on!
J.D.: Awesome!
Turk: What's so on?
J.D.: Who cares, he referred to me as a guy!
Dr. Kelso: Perry, I am sick and tired of listening to people complain about being called fatties, dummies, boozers, losers, winos, tubbos, tokers, smokers, and jamokers. Whatever the hell jamokers means.
Dr. Cox: I was actually saying jokers and I had coffee cake in my mouth.
Dr. Kelso: Bottom line, unlike my masseuse Freddy, you're not pretty enough to be this rough. Work on your bedside manner.
Mr. Warner: I just want to look good.
Dr. Cox: You, my friend, look so damn leathery I'm honestly tempted to wrap ya around a baseball, cinch ya up with a belt, and stick ya under my mattress so that you're good and broken in for the big game on Sunday. Buut, since I'm here to heal not judge, I'm gonna go ahead and write you a couple of prescriptions. You'll find that this first one is for an extra large mallet to help ya pound some sense into yourself. The second one is for a big floppy hat that you're now to wear every single time ya leave the house. Have a great day, ya look like a purse!
J.D.'s Narration: You see a lot of sad things in a hospital, but nothings quite as sad as a dermatologist that's just been paged milking it for all it's worth.
Dermatologist: Alright everybody! Watch your backs! Skin doctor coming through! I gotta get somewhere-STAT!
Carla: God! This sucks! I hate March! You realize two years ago this Sunday my Mom died?
Elliot: Plus, last month, you got that hideous hair cut! Remember?
