Scrubs Season 5 Episode 12: "My Cabbage" Quotes
Turk: Dude, you all right? You were gone for a really long time.
J.D.: You're gonna be an awful father!
J.D.: Cabbage!
Cabbage and Mark: Yes sir.
J.D.: Oh no, Mark. I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Cabbage.
Mark: But my last name's Cabbage.
J.D.: I know that, but I've nicknamed you "Wolfman" for your keen sense of smell.
J.D.'s narration: And your ridiculously hairy torso.
J.D.: Now, what can I do you for?
Cabbage: Dr D., is the IV supposed to leak like this?
J.D.: Well, yes and no. Mostly no. Really, really all no.
Dr. Cox: I would sooner leave my medical care in the hands of Dr. Acula. (J.D. gets excited) Yes, I read your vampire screenplay and as much as it pains me to say it, I didn't hate it. So here's what you have to do with this Keith: Turn the heat up on his ass and he'll make a mistake, then you'll bounce him the hell out of here.
J.D.: What did you think of the Transylvania dream sequence? Because I wrote it while I was on-call and the next morning and I read it and I was like, "What was I thinking?"
Dr. Cox: Bethany, focus.
I treat each and every one of you like unique individuals, ok? Take Gloria, for example. The woman's 400 years old. She needs to sleep a lot. I work around that schedule. Wolfman's got to be home by daybreak so he does all his work come nightfall. Crazy Barry's not allowed near children. We work around that.
J.D.
Those are beautiful antlers.
J.D.
Devin: "Make sure you clean out the gutters at the lake house so the front porch doesn't flood"?
Turk: Ours was better than that.
(as he lets Sanchez go) Tienes mi corazon! Tienes mi corazon.
Janitor
Patricia, its been a real pleasure having you here at Sacred Heart. And I certainly hope, the next time you fall ill, you remember us. Umm.. Im.. not implying that youll get ill. But..its just that... youre old and chances are good... Stop talking Robert!!
Dr. Kelso
Dr. Cox: (Talking to Mrs. Wilk) I can't believe youre finally getting out of this death trap. I mean, the odds were against you. You had a life-threatening disease... (looks at J.D.) a life-threatening doctor... (J.D. waves to Mrs. Wilk) Anyway, it was a pleasure treating you and...
Mrs. Wilk: I know how hard it is for you to say something nice. So you can go!
Dr. Cox: Thanks!
J.D.: Dr. Cox, may I borrow your pen?
Dr. Cox: Not going to happen!! I had to strangle a nurse to get this clicky top.
J.D.: Pleeaasse! Im in the middle of a very threatening speech.
Dr. Cox: Return this pen or die painfully!
Keith: How come I don't get a nickname?
J.D.: The other's surnames lend themselves to a nickname.
Keith: My last name is "Dudemeister"!
J.D.: What can I do with that? I'm not a magician!
J.D.: You're late Keith. Which doesn't surprise me, because you're a terrible person.
Keith: Sorry, I was helping with a gunshot victim downstairs.
J.D.: Lies won't get you anywhere, Keith.
Keith: I'm... covered in his blood.
J.D.: That could be anyone's blood.
Carla: Here's the gunshot victim from downstairs.
Gunshot victim: Hey, my blood!
J.D.: That's not your blood.
Gunshot victim: Yes, it is!
J.D.: Quiet time.
