Scrubs Season 1 Episode 16: "My Heavy Meddle" Quotes
Carla: Well, I came across Mr. Rice's advanced directive, and he has a few requests he would like us to honor.
Dr. Kelso: Let's see. Blinds open. That's done. Incense burning. Close enough. Glad you called.
Carla: Dr. Kelso? He also wants to hear Poison's 'Talk Dirty to Me' once a day.
Dr. Kelso: He wants to hear whose what?
Carla: Poison. It's a heavy metal band.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, like Motley Crue, and Winger. My son was a bit of a headbanger.
Carla: I'll get a tape-deck in here and we'll just...
Dr. Kelso: Miss Espinoza, that's not necessary.
Carla: It's just one song.
Dr. Kelso: It starts out as just one song, but then before you know it, half of the hospital staff is running around piercing their genitalia, and fornicating in the back of vans
Carla: So do you think you can help me locate one of his family members?
Ted: I guess I could try to locate one through some legal channels, but I'm really swamped.
Carla: You know, I love your worry lines. They're so adorable, they're like sexy little forehead smiles.
Ted: Careful, I've been hurt before
J.D.: You are not going to believe what happened yesterday. Dr. Cox just went ballistic and destroyed an entire lab room. Oh yeah. Broken computers, chairs through windows, shattered beakers. Beakers, people, beakers. How is this not good gossip?
Carla: J.D., he does this every year. And whatever you do, don't get caught in his wake, because if you do, he's taking you down.
Laverne: Downtown.
J.D.: All the way?
Elliot: Okay, we can finish the synopsis for chapter four and process the Stegman data if we pull an all-nighter.
Turk: Elliot, this isn't due for another month.
Elliot: Yeah, but if we finish one week early we can just sit back and play with the fonts and margins.
Turk: Oh, whoo... Tonight's date night with Carla, and I got on special underwear.
Elliot: Go. Do you mind if I keep working?
Turk: Yeah, that works for me.
Todd: I'm wearing special underwear too. They're invisible
Turk: Excuse me, nurse. I'm ready for my sponge bath.
Carla: Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry, I can't. I gotta go pick up a CD for this coma patient of mine.
Turk: But I'm wearing silk boxers.
Carla: Turk...
Turk: They're the ones with the little dogs holding the big money bags
Bartender: And you owe me $53.
J.D.: I, uh, think I left my wallet in my other onesie
Carla: Bambi, I warned you about getting caught up in Dr. Cox's wake. But does he listen?
Laverne: You'd think so, with those ears.
J.D.: Uncalled for, okay? Listen, it's different this time. He showed up
at my place.
Carla: He's showed up at my house before.
Laverne: Showed up at my momma's on Mother's Day.
Ted: Ruined my wedding
Elliot: Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm not a geek.
Turk: Come on! You still got that rubber thingie on your finger!
Elliot: Eggs can be extremely slippery!
Turk: You know what's the cool thing about this movie? That this could really happen.
Elliot: Which part? The Russians invading Michigan or C. Thomas Howell being a tough guy?
Turk: Both
Elliot: You know, I'm so sick of this. I mean, every time I come here, I'm going to see him, so just get someone else to do this stupid project with you.
Turk: No, look. Okay, maybe the reason why I asked you to work with me on this is because I knew it would force you and J.D. to see each other.
Elliot: I don't want to get back together with him.
Turk: I'm not saying get back together, okay? You guys made a terrible couple