Scrubs Season 3 Episode 13: "My Porcelain God" Quotes
J.D.: And get this: He calls it his "epiphany toilet"!
Elliot: Yeah, you couldn't pay me to poop on the roof.
Turk: No one's offering.
Well done, there, Barbie. You're now exactly where you were three years ago.
Dr. Cox
Dr. Casey: That toilet on the roof's got my number.
Elliot: Can't lick it, huh?
Dr. Casey: God, no. I can't even sit on it.
Why can't I sit on you!? Why??
Dr. Casey
Elliot: Kevin left. He didn't even say goodbye.
J.D.: Elliot... he didn't say goodbye to a lot of people, just me, Dr. Cox, Carla, Doug, Snoop Dog intern.
Snoop Dog Intern: Where are my hoes at?
J.D.: I haven't seen them.
Perry, what has two thumbs and still doesn't give a crap? Bob Kelso! I thought we'd met.
Dr. Kelso
The reason I'm gurney-surfing, besides the fact that it's bitchin'...
J.D.'s Narration
J.D.: I'm your best friend and your best man, what else can I be best at?
Turk: How about best at being quiet?
J.D.'s narration: One one thousand, two one thousand, and now I'm best at that...
Janitor: That, my friends, is a roof toilet.
Dr. Casey: I'm sorry, you said that like it's a normal thing.
J.D.: Be careful with this guy, he's uh...
Janitor: Hey! You're the guy that's been using up all my soap!
Dr. Casey: Yeah, I've got OCD.
Janitor: Really!? My grandpa had that. Every morning he'd take a gym sock, fill it up with nickels, and just beat us! That's OCD, right?
J.D.: The bad kind.
