Scrubs Season 3 Episode 13: "My Porcelain God" Quotes
Dr. Kelso: Now. Your patients on this wing have all been complaining about odd noises.
Dr. Casey: Oh, if it's a "bink" I can explain.
Dr. Kelso: It isn't "bink"! Stop saying "bink"!
J.D.: Was it "I come from the land down under! Where women glow and men plunder!" That wasn't me.
Carla: Turk wants to ask you something, and it would mean a lot to the both of us if you said yes.
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, my God. Would I have a threesome with Turk and Carla? Well, it's certainly flattering, and I don't think they'd tell anyone...
Turk: Will you be my best man?
J.D.: ...Oh.
(J.D. has agreed to be Turk’s best man.)
Elliot: So is this, like, the best moment you guys have ever had?
(Flashback)
J.D.: (Pouring himself cereal. A small clink is heard.) A decoder ring...huh. (Keeps pouring. Another clink is heard.) TURK!
Turk: (Entering) What?
J.D.: (Holds up both rings) It finally happened!
Turk: A double-prizer?!
(They yell and jump together. End Flashback.)
Turk: (Wistfully) That was awesome.
Carla: You guys realize you're doctors, right?
J.D.: Double-secret-decoder-ring wearing doctors.
J.D. & Turk: (Touching their ring-clad fists together) Activate!
J.D.: Form of an ice menorah!
Oh, I'm sorry. Does (whistles) mean 'stare at me like jackasses' or 'get the hell over here'!?
</i> Dr. Cox
Dr. Casey: (touching Dr. Kelso's nose) Bink!
Dr. Kelso: Oh, okay. I guess that's how they say hello in Crazyland.
Carla: You ever think there's more to Dr. Kelso than we know?
Dr. Cox: Sure, is he in fact a latex-encased robot with real human hair and a circuit board where his heart should be? I can't...I can't rule that out.
Elliot: If one of my loved ones ever dies... I hope it's because of you.
Dr. Casey: Hey, me too.
Elliot: Are we, uh, flirting?
Dr. Casey: A little bit.
Elliot: Awesome!
Dr. Casey: Have you seen the roof toilet?
Elliot: No. But I'm a nervous pooer.
Dr. Casey: Okay, now we're definitely not flirting.
Janitor: If I find out you told anybody, I'm gonna beat you with poppy's old nickel sock.
J.D.: First of all, why would I tell anyone? And secondly, no one has epiphanies on the john!
Oh, that's just dandy. I got a billion patients and no rooms, and I got Newbie pestering me for advice on how to be the best woman at Turtlehead's wedding, and I got a resident who can't do a simple procedure even though she learned it the first week she was here.
Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Newbie! It turns out I, uh, I do have some best man advice. Go easy on the mascara in case you cry during your toast. And if you're gonna chase after the bouquet with all of the other girls, make sure you kick off your pumps so you don't snap one of those chicken ankles of yours.
J.D.: Thanks. Thanks for coming back.
Todd, surgeon is spelled "-g-e-o-n"? And, uh...there are two Ds in "Todd".
Turk
Carla: Dr. Kelso! Where are we gonna fit these people? They're all sick!
Dr. Kelso: It's not my job to take care of sick people.
