Scrubs Season 1 Episode 20: "My Way or the Highway" Quotes
J.D.: Come on, man, let's get out of here. There's something to do, there's...film festivals, there's theatre, there's museums. Let's get out and get some culture! How 'bout some of that!
Turk: Let's put Rowdy on top of the TV and see which one of us can throw a hat on him first
Elliot: So, what are you, uh...sick or something?
Sean: My--my heartbeat, it's like, uh, it's irregular. What's the medical word for it?
Carla: Irregular.
Sean: Yeah! That's it, it's irregular!
Dr. Kelso: Who gets to tell us the symptoms of Menier's Disease? Dr. Murphy!
Doug: Can you use it in a sentence?
Elliot: Why hasn't he asked me out? I mean, he knows I'm single, I've mentioned, like, five movies that I want to see, I-I even keep dropping things so that when I pick them up he can see how flexible I am!
Carla: Look, Elliot, you have to understand, these things take time and self-respect...so we're gonna focus on time
J.D.: You said you were gonna back me up!
Turk: That was before I looked at his chart. He's had ulcerative colitis for the past ten years.
Mr. Hoffner: And no girlfriends. It's a...gassy disease
Dr. Kelso: What are you gonna do, slugger, take a swing at me?
Dr. Cox: Maybe.
Dr. Kelso: Well, if you do...I'd better die. Because, if I don't, I will be coming for you. Good cake, today.
Dr. Cox: Lookit, you fired a dear, dear friend of mine. That woman was like family!
Dr. Kelso: Who?
Dr. Cox: Who? I'll tell you who!... Coffee Nurse. When you fired Coffee Nurse, you made this whole thing personal!
Dr. Kelso: No, you made it personal. You gave me all that lip yesterday in front of the interns. Look, you wanna know why I laid off those first two nurses? Budgetary constraints forced a cut, and those two had negative reports. And you think I did it to make myself happy...heh-heh... I wouldn't notice if they all caught on fire.
Dr. Cox: Well, then, why in God's name did you axe Coffee Nurse?
Dr. Kelso: Because you were being an ass! You're right - that was personal. My bad!
Elliot: Oh, my God. I cannot believe I talked to Sean about poo for, like, ten minutes.
Carla: Oh, relax; nobody knows.
Laverne: Hey, Poopy.
Elliot: At one point I tried changing the subject to art... But, we went from art to artists to alcohol to coffee...and that just led right back to poo!
Carla: Elliot, you know how they say no one will ever love you until you learn to love yourself?
Elliot: My mother used to say, "No one will ever love you."