Ted: Dr. Cox, did you hear that I'm quitting?
Dr. Cox: I did, Ted, and I don't know how to pretend to care.
Ted: Understandable.
Dr. Kelso: Theodore, I always figured that someday we'd just find you dead in your office.
Ted: Yeah, that was the dream.

Kelso: Methinks it's quitting time. Goodnight, Gooch. Ted.
Ted: That's it? I've been your whipping for eight years and all I get before I disappear forever is a wet clammy handshake? And, yes, I know that's from my hand not yours. And, yes, I know we've never really been friends. And, yes, I know the Gooch is way too attractive for me. I know that's not relevant right now, but it's always on my mind. [to Gooch]: Please don't leave me for a baritone.
Gooch: I won't.
Kelso: Ted, I'm so hammered right now all I can think of is those thirty cent hot dogs at the gas station, so wrap it up.
Ted: You owe me more than a handshake.

Lucy: Thanks for making Cole come back.
Denise: I didn't tell him to come back. I hate talking to that guy, it adds an extra shower to my day.

Drew: How'd you get him to talk?
Paulie: We had a conversation, all hot stuff did here was ask me questions off the form.
Drew: Are you choosing to smile and ignore the insult because he called you hot stuff?
[Lucy nods]
Drew: Thatta girl.
Cole: Did you know Paulie got a purple heart in Korea? I didn't even know we fought Korea!

Cox: You are the host of this party and to some extent the voice of your generation and while I sadly acknowledge that heralds the coming apocalypse, I do value your opinion on one thing in particular.
Cole: Wow, you're like Shakespeare, yo.
Cox: I am, I am like Shakespeare, yo

Lucy: I don't know you can see how much my soul dies every time I let you back into my bed, but it would make me hate myself like four notches less if I thought you had a decent bone in your body.
[Cole giggles]
Lucy: Please don't laugh because I said bone.
Cole: Look baby, I would love to stay but I just don't want to.

J.D. [after doing a row of shots]: I'm spinning.
Turk: Maybe next time you should try it with alcohol instead of soda.
J.D.: Don't be insane, this is awesome.
Turk: Yeah it is.. We're letting them know.
J.D.: Who and what are we letting them know?

Turk: An Indian wouldn't wear chaps.
J.D.: You're forgetting my back story. I killed a cowboy and I took his chaps. I'm also a Sheriff.

Kelso: You have the voice of an angel.
Ted and Gooch: Aww, thank you.
Kelso: Not you, Ted.
Kelso: If I were ten years younger, and you were tens year younger.
Ted: It's too late, sir, I already tapped it.

Ted: The Gooch and I are gonna take some time off and tour the country.
Gooch: We've written a song for every state.
Cox: I'm sure I'll hear all of them when I die and go to hell.

I think we all need to let loose, and in my case, let Lucy.


Cox: So many things to tear apart here. I'll focus on your delusion that you are still young. You guys are much closer to forty than you are twenty. You're just like me and you have to get up in the middle of the night to pee.
J.D. [narrating]: Is he is psychic?

Scrubs Season 9 Episode 4 Quotes

Lucy: If you want to keep sleeping with me I expect you to have my back.
Turk: God, you have so many rules. Get back, listen to you when you talk, stay out of your purse. Damn girl, quit playing games.

Drew: Cole, I need the retractor.
Cole [eating a sandwich]: I'm using it right now.
Drew: Seriously?
Cole: Yeah, I don't like touching bread, it creeps me out.