Scrubs Quotes
Elliot: The only problem is his last name. It's Dudemeister.
Jordan: Oh that doesn't even sound real.
Elliot: Well it's actually German, "Du-de-meister", it means master of dudes.
Jordan: You know one of the reasons I divorced Perry was because of his last name.
Elliot: You don't like Cox?
Jordan: Actually I love Cox.
Todd: Greatest conversation ever.
Jordan: See, that's the problem.
Woman: This sausage is huuuuuuge.
Todd: 'cuse me ladies, I'm needed elsewhere.
Turk: Mothers and daughters... they speak so fast, but they speak so true.
(Calls J.D.)
Turk: Did you see it?
J.D.: I'm so mad at Lorelai, I can't even talk right now.
Carla: At least you stopped crying.
Dr. Kelso: Not really. My body just can't produce tears anymore because I've intentionally dehydrated myself. It's a risky move, I know, but Dr. Jarvis here said it'd be alright.
Carla: There's nobody standing behind you.
Dr. Kelso: I'm going to need an IV.
Please don't make me go out for drinks with Barbie and - yes, I know, it's way too easy - Ken!
Dr. Cox
(Dr. Cox is drinking a glass of scotch)
Dr. Zeltzer: Oh...oh..Slow down there, Big Guy!!
Dr. Cox: Why, Zeltzer? It's not like I'm driving.
Dr. Zeltzer: I know. But there's a roofie in it.
(Dr. Cox faints)
Jordan: I'm not sure if I'm okay with that!!
Dr. Zeltzer: Three... Two.. One!!
(Jordan faints)
Mrs. Zeltzer: Party Time.
Dr. Cox: I have no answers for any of you.
Gloria: But my boyfriend is Bi-curious and he wants me to pick his lovers.
Dr. Cox: I might have an answer for that, Ewwww.
Dr. Kelso: Nurse Espinosa, I need your help with something. My dog, Baxter, passed away last night. I dealt with it emotionally but, unfortunately, I can't stop crying. Anyway, I need you to run interference for me today; keep people from seeing me looking vulnerable and so forth.
Carla: So, you think I'll automatically do this? You think my ego is so big that I'll be flattered that I'm the only one you can open up to? I'll do it.
Ever since I was blitzkrieged this morning by an enraged German named Otto a certain doctor Barbie no longer exists for me.
Dr. Cox
J.D.: This plan is fool proof.
Dr. Cox: That is impossible. You two are involved.
Turk: We will see about that!
(Turk and J.D. crash into each other as they try to walk away)
Carla: I don't think we have anymore wine. Turk, can I have some of yours?
J.D.'s narration: I felt like Turk was starting to blame me for all of this.
Turk: (Spills his wine in J.D.'s face) I spilled mine too, honey. You know what you should do? Ask for some of J.D.'s.
J.D.: (Spills his wine on his crotch) I spilled mine too.
J.D.: Wait Turk! I have an idea.
Turk: You have another idea? Well I've got to tell you, I'm done with you're ideas and not just for now but forever! Okay, are we clear on that?
J.D.: It's a good one.
Turk: I'm listening.
