Scrubs Quotes
Elliot: Dr. Cox, I got a patient with osteomyelitis who needs a bone biopsy. Who do you use?
Dr. Cox: You put me in an awkward spot because I'm here and I want to help but speaking to you would acknowledge your existence and you don't exist. So, I'm going to address the stapler. Hi, stapler, the red is killer. By the way, there's a certain Dr. Brownsfield who's just the most wonderful bone guy... What? What's that, stapler? Oh no, she... she's an actual doctor.
Elliot: Neither of you are very funny!
My friend, we have just lo-jacked the janitor….Hel-LO!
J.D.
J.D.: This plan is fool proof.
Dr. Cox: That is impossible. You two are involved.
Turk: We will see about that!
(Turk and J.D. crash into each other as they try to walk away)
Ever since I was blitzkrieged this morning by an enraged German named Otto a certain doctor Barbie no longer exists for me.
Dr. Cox
Carla: I don't think we have anymore wine. Turk, can I have some of yours?
J.D.'s narration: I felt like Turk was starting to blame me for all of this.
Turk: (Spills his wine in J.D.'s face) I spilled mine too, honey. You know what you should do? Ask for some of J.D.'s.
J.D.: (Spills his wine on his crotch) I spilled mine too.
Elliot: I'd like to remember all the carpal bones in the hand with a simple mnemonic device: Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquetral, Pisiform, Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate and Hamate. Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle.
Keith: Hey?!?!
Elliot: It was not directed at you, Doctor.
Turk: Alright Jake, here it is. The latest "Vengeance". I had to travel to five stores to find that.
Jake: This is last month's.
Turk: Look, I'll track down the new one for you later, but right now I've got to make sure I have a job next year.
It didn't bother me that Dr. Cox had just Kelly Ripa'd me because I knew it would never catch on. No matter how much he wanted it to.
J.D.'s Narration
Personally, me, I believe medicine is about more than treating the disease. You gotta be there for people. Take Mrs. Cohen, when she broke h er hip, I treated that. But she had also left her car double-parked so being an "extra mile" kind of guy, I went and took care of it.
J.D.
Janitor: Well the good news is his head isn't in the storage room. 'Cause I once found a head in the storage room. Funny story actually; I put it in my locker 'cause I didn't have time to go to lost and found, went on a long week and forgot all about it. Come back to work on monday, open my locker, WAH, head. Plus, rats. I panicked 'cause I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed the thing and ran up to the roof, and I punt it, and I shank it wide left like I always do. Now, it's heading straight down right for Kelso sitting in his convertable. I'm done. I'm out of a job right? Wrong! At that second a hawk flies in, grabs the thing, and flies off with it. And I know what you're thinking; we're in the middle of a city. What's a hawk doing there?
Carla: I can't believe you get a locker and I don't.
Newbie! Snap out of it. There's no time for your daydreaming.
Dr. Cox
I swear. If you don't knock me up tonight...no more sex until you steal me a baby. So do it right this time.
Carla
