Turk: Is there another guy on this planet who is that sensitive?
J.D.: Okay, let it out. I've got you. J.D. has got you. Hold me tighter, a little too tight...There is a good spot.

You know what I do when I have a really tough time getting through things? I just leave the city, get into nature and just stalk of what really is important...Just make sure that you don't go to a popular parachute drop zone (gets hit by a parachuter.)

Elliot

Carla: ...unless there are any questions, this meeting is adjourned.
Elliot: Oh!
Dr. Kelso, Turk & J.D.: Awww! Gosh!
Elliot: What?!
Dr. Kelso: For God's sake, Reid! There is a donkey-boy upstairs.

Elliot: Oh it was so sad.
Janitor: I know! When I first heard about it I was like, "Whoa! No way!"
J.D.: You don't even know what we are talking about.
Janitor: Sure I do - the donkey-boy on ICU.
Carla: We are talking about Dr. Cox.
Janitor: Oh...Well if anyone is interested, there is a donkey-boy in the ICU.

Turk: How the hell am I supposed to cry?
Janitor: You need to cry, let's brainstorm. I could hit you over the head with the wrench, or I could stab you in the gut with the knife. Knife-Wrench! Practical and safe.

(Janitor hits J.D. with a wrench)
J.D.: Owww! (points at Turk) He is the one that needs to cry you idiot, not me!
(Janitor hits J.D. again)
J.D.: Owww!
Janitor: Oh yeah, I forgot about that crying stuff...

So, now, Davey boy, I promise you we're going to find you a kidney. I would literally swear on my father's grave but whenever I go there I usually just end up dancing on it.

Dr. Cox

Elliot: Oh my god, he looks so sad.
Carla: I just want to hold him like a big, gay baby.
Turk: This is incredible, an hour ago you hated him!
Carla: An hour ago he wasn't our new, gay best friend!

Carla: I'm having a weird pregnancy craving. Hey J.D., if you go out would you get me a hot Italian sausage?
Todd: I got a hot Italian sausage for you, right here. People think I just luck into these situations but it's really a lot of hard work. You know what else is hard? I should go.
J.D.: I think I may vomit.

Gloria: Todd? Is he the big black security guard with the hook-hand?
Elliot: Uhm.. No..
Gloria: Then no.

J.D.: Hey, hungry?
Dr. Cox: No.
J.D.: I guess that lunch was kinda a one time thing, huh?...There's no way you could've seen that coming. I mean, rabies? Come on, there's like three reported cases a year. In fact testing for it, would have been irresponsible...you would have wasted time that people didn't have.
Dr. Cox: I was obsessed with getting those organs.
J.D.: You had to be, the fact is that those people were gonna die in a number of hours and you had to make a call...I would've made the same call.
Dr. Cox: Yeah?
J.D.: Yes. Anyway, I got us lunch and I think we should eat it.
J.D.'s narration: Right then, I knew I was gonna pull him outta this. But unfortunately, sometimes the hospital picks a day where it's just gonna pile it on.
(Their pagers beep)
Dr. Cox: Oh god...come on.

Elliot: Hey, what did you do last night?
Carla: Turk made me watch "Anaconda" with him.
Elliot: Oh is that the one with the giant snake?
Todd: No. (Points to himself) This is the one with the giant snake. I was back here for 45 minutes waiting for a setup. My back is killing me, but I nailed it. It is about commitment.

Scrubs Quotes

Turk: With Marbury, I really believe New York has a shot at the title, man.
J.D.: Yeah, me too.
Turk: Which sport are we talking about?
J.D.: I wanna say tennis...

J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?