J.D.'s Narration: The truth is, thanks to modern medicine, 80 isn't that big of a deal anymore. It's not like the olden days.
Fantasy J.D.: Let us not feel sorrow for Bobby Adams. He was 12. He lead a full life. He will be missed, especially by his beautiful wife, Jenny, who stood by him even when he turned six, had a midlife crisis and was caught banging one of those people naked people that brought us corn.
J.D.: I'd be the oldest man in Pilgrim Village.

Turk: Damn! That boy is going to town on that carrot.
Dr. Kelso: You fellas want to go to a real donkey show? It's really very tastefully done. I understand that one of the woman who entertains the donkeys used to be on Soap.
J.D. & Turk: Pass!
Dr. Kelso: Well, standing invitation every Thursday.
J.D.: Always pass, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Well, I'll ask Mickhead.

Jack: Daddy drinks a lot.
Jordan: His first complete sentence. Fantastic.

Carla: ...unless there are any questions, this meeting is adjourned.
Elliot: Oh!
Dr. Kelso, Turk & J.D.: Awww! Gosh!
Elliot: What?!
Dr. Kelso: For God's sake, Reid! There is a donkey-boy upstairs.

Elliot: Oh it was so sad.
Janitor: I know! When I first heard about it I was like, "Whoa! No way!"
J.D.: You don't even know what we are talking about.
Janitor: Sure I do - the donkey-boy on ICU.
Carla: We are talking about Dr. Cox.
Janitor: Oh...Well if anyone is interested, there is a donkey-boy in the ICU.

(Janitor hits J.D. with a wrench)
J.D.: Owww! (points at Turk) He is the one that needs to cry you idiot, not me!
(Janitor hits J.D. again)
J.D.: Owww!
Janitor: Oh yeah, I forgot about that crying stuff...

Dr. Kelso: Just because I can't hear your silly-ass whispering doesn't mean I'm old. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go over to my office and tinker with my new computer.
Turk: Ooh, what kind is it?
Dr. Kelso: It's about 3:30.

Todd: Hey Lisa! I heard you lied and said we didn't do it. Admit it. We doinked.
Lisa: I was sad because my Dad died.
Todd: I wasn't!

Gloria: Todd? Is he the big black security guard with the hook-hand?
Elliot: Uhm.. No..
Gloria: Then no.

J.D.: Hey, hungry?
Dr. Cox: No.
J.D.: I guess that lunch was kinda a one time thing, huh?...There's no way you could've seen that coming. I mean, rabies? Come on, there's like three reported cases a year. In fact testing for it, would have been irresponsible...you would have wasted time that people didn't have.
Dr. Cox: I was obsessed with getting those organs.
J.D.: You had to be, the fact is that those people were gonna die in a number of hours and you had to make a call...I would've made the same call.
Dr. Cox: Yeah?
J.D.: Yes. Anyway, I got us lunch and I think we should eat it.
J.D.'s narration: Right then, I knew I was gonna pull him outta this. But unfortunately, sometimes the hospital picks a day where it's just gonna pile it on.
(Their pagers beep)
Dr. Cox: Oh god...come on.

Elliot: Hey, what did you do last night?
Carla: Turk made me watch "Anaconda" with him.
Elliot: Oh is that the one with the giant snake?
Todd: No. (Points to himself) This is the one with the giant snake. I was back here for 45 minutes waiting for a setup. My back is killing me, but I nailed it. It is about commitment.

Dr. Cox: Once you start blaming yourself for deaths that aren't your fault, my friend... that's a slippy slope that you can't come back from it. Trust me, I've seen it ruin a hell a lot of good doctors, and I will not let it happen to you.
J.D.'s narration: And because he said that...I know it wouldn't.

Scrubs Quotes

Doug wanted me to give this patient five hundred thousand milligrams of morphine. I thought I'd check with you before I kill a man.

Laverne

Now, let's talk, Ted. Just you and me. No lawyers.

Dr. Kelso