Scrubs Season 2 Quotes
Dr. Kelso: Son, have you used drugs in the last 48 hours?
Patient: Oh no sir. Never use drugs.
Dr. Kelso: Because this shot you're about to get could kill you if it's mixed with narcotics.
Patient: Oh drugs! Yes sir, all the time!
Dr. Kelso: See? Waiting for the tox-screen, six hours. Frightening the bejeebies out of the local riff-raff, 10 seconds.
Turk: Where the hell is Carla, man? We're gonna miss the previews!
J.D.: Hey, you're black, right?
Turk: Here we go.
J.D.: I hate that stereotype that all black people yell at movie screens. You know? Like, you go see some horror flick, and you be yelling, like, "Don't go in there, girl, he behind the door!" You know? It's like... it's offensive.
Turk: You wish you were allowed to yell at the screen, don't you?
J.D.: Why does she go in there!? I mean, he's behind the door!
J.D.'s Narration: It's weird to run into someone from the hospital out in the real world.
J.D.: Oh, hey, Dr. Kelso.
Turk: How... how ya doin', sir?
Dr. Kelso: I'm just Jim Dandy. Now, unless your pants are made out of Turtle Wax, I suggest you boys get your asses off of Bessy.
J.D.: Oh, I'm sorr- You named your car, huh?
Dr. Cox: Oh, joy of joys - Mr. Corman, you've joined us yet again. And what imaginary disease is ailing you this time, my good man?
Carla: This time he thinks he has the Yaba virus.
Mr. Corman: Your hair got longer. And I don't appreciate your tone.
Dr. Cox: Last month, you thought you had familial Mediterranean fever.
Mr. Corman: I was at my friend Kelly Papadopoulos' wedding, okay? I share a glass of ouzo with this guy named Yanos. Twenty minutes later, I'm in a cab, I gotta ask the guy to pull over because I'm gonna explode in some guy's rose garden! Now, what would you think?
Dr. Cox: Same thing I think right now: That you got yourself a bad case of the wish-you-were-sicks.
Dr. Kelso: I don't care what the old bat says - I doubt she can back out of her own driveway. Tell her you're calling the DMV and having her license revoked immediately.
Turk: Why don't you tell her yourself, sir?
Dr. Kelso: 'Cause she's my friend! Don't be insensitive, son, it's ugly on you!
Turk: Dude. With gift shop chick... did you ever 'ehn-ehn!'?
Carla: Turk! Elliot's right here!
Elliot: Why would I care?
Carla: I'm sorry. I guess, when I was passing by J.D.'s room the other night, he was telling a different Dr. Reid not to stop.
Turk: "Ohh! Dr. Reid!" Sweet!
Dr. Cox: It's just that the guy's here like a thousand times a year, taking up a bed. And every second I'm in there with him, it's time away from somebody I could actually help.
Carla: Well, what do you want me to do about it?
Dr. Cox: Follow my lead... Alas, Mr. Corman, shockingly, all your labs have come back and they're negative for... everything.
Mr. Corman: Aw, come on!
Dr. Cox: Okay, I'll tell you what: You have suggested that you're feeling rather tired lately, haven't you.
Mr. Corman: I'm listening.
Dr. Cox: And that you bruise easily?
Mr. Corman: Like an old banana.
Dr. Cox: For the record, I think you're fine. But, if you'd like, we can go ahead and check out your bone marrow. Of course, that would mean sticking an enormous needle all the way through your hip - and it's very, very, very, very excruciatingly painful. Right, Carla?
Carla: Yes.
Dr. Cox: Thank you, Carla. Now, what's it gonna be, there, champ? Head home and get some rest, or an afternoon of senseless, mind-numbing... agony?
Mr. Corman: Eh, what the hell. I'll take the giant hip needle.
J.D.: So, anyway, Elliot...
Elliot: Hey, I found an apartment!
J.D.: Great! You know, but there's no rush for you to move out.
Elliot: Well, what are we gonna do, just live with each other forever, and anytime we feel, like, lonely or vulnerable, we just hop into bed and have hot sex?
J.D.: That would be stupid.
Carla: Dr. Cox, I think you should take a look at, um, Mr. Corman's chart.
Dr. Cox: Why, what's he got, scurvy? Mr. Corman? There's no chance you were on a ship in the 1700s, is there?
Turk: Dude, she was going like thirty-five miles an hour. All you saw was, like, knuckles and a bun... Poor Bessy, man.
J.D.: What kind of grown man still names his car?
Turk: You do.
J.D.: Yeah, well, I've had Malik since I was seventeen; that's totally different.
Dr. Cox: This is Dr. Zeltzer. He is the finest oncologist we have on staff.
Dr. Zeltzer: Really? You think so?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I do.
Dr. Zeltzer: Thank you!
Mr. Corman: So, where do we start?
Dr. Zeltzer: Well, uh, first off, we need to- Better than Leventhal?
Mr. Corman: Leventhal's a quack. You're the guy. You're the man. You can do it!
Dr. Zeltzer: Bless you.
Dr. Zeltzer: That was some catch. The patient shows almost no symptoms, you call for a bone marrow biopsy? What made you even think to do that?
Dr. Cox: How about, he was unbelievably annoying, and I wanted to scare him so bad that he'd never come back in my hospital again?
Carla: Oh! Don't worry, Dr. Zeltzer, he's only kidding!
Dr. Zeltzer: Stupid! See, that's where Leventhal has the edge - he woulda got that; the man is hilarious. Well, of course, he wouldn't be laughing so hard if he knew I was sleeping with his wife.
