Scrubs Season 2 Quotes
J.D.: How did this happen?
Elliot: J.D., I'm homeless; I have no money, and everything I own is outside in a truck - my life's a mess. Plus, you were... going through... a lot, too...
J.D.: My peep was on the fritz. Much better now, thank you for asking.
J.D.: Ugh! What a day! Whoo-ee! I am as stressed out and vulnerable as I was last night.
Elliot: Me too.
J.D.: What to do? What to do... what to do, what to do, what to do?
Elliot: I don't feel like doing anything.
J.D.: Oh, come on, we could-we could rent a movie... got a fresh pack of Uno cards... You know what we could do? We could have sex again - I'm throwing it out there.
Elliot: Bite me.
J.D.: Oh, come on! I'm sorry, I was kidding! I'm just-it's just a joke!
Elliot: No, I mean it - like you did last night... Come bite me.
Turk: Elliot! You said you were gonna get that CAT-scan of Mrs. Credin's abdomen.
Elliot: I have been crazy-busy. I was stuck on the phone all morning with bill collectors who, by the way, are obsessed with money! I spent an hour in my truck looking for clean bras because all I've got left is this date-night push-up one - and, to be honest, I don't like working with these things under my chin all day. Plus, I am walking someplace right now, and, for the life of me, I can't remember where.
Turk: Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it for you.
Elliot: Thanks.
Turk: Mm-hmm.
Elliot: Bathroom!
Carla: You know, Mr. Woodbury's son is getting married this weekend; he keeps asking me if he's gonna be able to go.
J.D.: He's had a nasty case of pneumonia. Let's see. [reads the chart] Well, his leukocytosis is resolved, and his blood cultures are negative... Tell him we'll do the best we can.
Carla: Oh, come on! Can't we just tell him that he can go?
J.D.: Where's the wiggle room in that? There's no wiggle!
Turk: I don't wanna get all Dr. Phil on you, but the last time I checked, women have a hard time separating sex from emotions. So, you may think you're just tappin' that right now, but pretty soon she's gonna be like, "J.D., I need you."
J.D.: Look, if it ever got that emotional, I'd break it off.
Turk: Okay. Oh, by the way, dude right there is totally hitting that dude! He's totally hitting him!
J.D.: You are good!
Turk: I know.
J.D.: I'm so glad Esteban found someone!
Elliot: How's Mr., uh... Lawrence doing?
Dr. Cox: I'm afraid that's no longer any of your business - he's not your patient as of 2 o'clock this afternoon. He asked for a new doctor.
Elliot: That's the second patient to switch off of my service today, what is the deal?
Dr. Cox: Maybe they were both so overwhelmed by the high quality of your care that they just couldn't stand it another second.
Elliot: J.D., I had such a crappy day. I really need you right now. Come here.
J.D.'s Narration: She needs you? Oh, my God, Turk was right. You have to stop kissing her, and put an end to this before she gets hurt!
Elliot: Is there something wrong?
J.D.'s Narration: Eh, she's a tough kid - you can tell her later.
Turk: Are you watching 'Sesame Street'?
Elliot: You know, when I was a kid, I had my first sex dream about Mr. Hooper. Least I think it was a sex dream - he was trying to choke me.
Turk: Yeah, that-that's sweet.
Turk: Um, what, are you on a break or something?
Elliot: Well, I have nothing else to do, because none of my patients want to see me.
Turk: But that's a good thing, right? Because, now, you have time to take care of your life!
Elliot: Why are you being so weird?
Dr. Cox: Well, of course, that could be because he's shaving his dome so much lately that the hair is actually starting to grow inward - it's an affliction commonly known as the "infro." But, if I were to guess just exactly why he's been acting weird lately, I would say it's because...he's the one who's been steering your patients away from you... Discuss.
Dr. Kelso: Well, what's with the mouthful of Chicklets, sweetheart?
Carla: Oh, no special reason, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Really? I thought it might be because young Dr. Dorian came to see me with his feathers all up and his voice a-crackin', and told me he was letting Mr. Woodbury go.
Carla: Oh, did he?
Dr. Kelso: Yup. And his knees were knocking so loud, I almost didn't see you standing above him, pulling the strings.
Dr. Kelso: Ah, maybe Mr. Woodbury will be fine. Maybe he'll be back here in a few days even worse for wear because you rushed him out. Who knows? But, darn it all, though, if what I don't think is the bigger question, is why you even give a hoot?
Carla: Well, actually, sir, I have this little problem with caring for my patients.
Dr. Kelso: Still, if you decide later that what you really care about is how much your patients like you, you can always change your mind about letting Mr. Woodbury leave. Hell, I'll even back you up.
Elliot: Dr. Cox. I just wanted to let you know that Turk did the right thing by taking my patients off of my service.
Dr. Cox: Noooo. What that yellow-bellied scalpel jock should have done was to go down to Surgery and schedule himself for an early morning add-a-pair-tomy. That way, if it took, he'd have the stones to at least come and talk to you next time he had a problem.
Elliot: I just can't seem to stop letting my life out there affect my life in here, you know?
Dr. Cox: Well, hell, Barbie... look at me. It's not like I've always been the centered, well-adjusted guy-smiley you see walking up and down the halls of this dump; I mean, stuff like that takes time. But, eventually, you learn to keep your personal problems separate from this place.
Elliot: So, what do I do until then?
Dr. Cox: You get your damn life in order... Oh, and, Barbie? Let's say word were to get out that Uncle Cox was doling out the feel goods? I'll make ya pay - ya have no idea. Huge!
