Scrubs Season 2 Quotes
Dr. Kelso: Now if any of you other would-be revelers get the urge to dress up on this, the mother of all non-holidays, please consider me the razor blade in your caramel apple. We're professionals, dammit! You know... it's nothing personal, son... you just make me sick.
Doug: He called me son! He called me son!
J.D.: Score.
Elliot: So, uh, you going to lunch with your brother?
J.D.: Yeah, I... well, you know, I would've invited you, but I already made the reservation for two.
Elliot: So call and change it to three.
J.D.: Ohh, I'm not gonna mess with that hostess. You know, she uses sharp tones.
Janitor: Trick.
J.D.: Excuse me?
Janitor: I just figure you gotta be wondering, "Am I gonna get a trick, or am I gonna get a treat?" You'll be getting a trick.
J.D.: Whatever.
Janitor: It'll be fast, and you won't even know it's me.
J.D.: You just told me it was gonna be you.
Janitor: You'll still have your doubts.
Turk: Dr. Wen, I want you to stay focused, okay? I want Dr. Wen to be Dr. Zen, man!
Dr. Wen: Christopher, after fifteen years and over ten thousand surgeries, I think I can do without the pep-talk.
Turk: Message received, sir... I believe in you.
Elliot: So, uh, why'd you drive someone else's car across country?
Dan: It is a great way to make three hundred bucks.
Elliot: What do you do that you could take that kind of time off?
Dan: I tend bar.
J.D.: But not just like any bar - it's like "The Bar". It's like, when all the college kids come home from Thanksgiving, it's like where everybody goes. I go there when I'm home.
Elliot: So you still live in your home town?
Dan: Yeah, I kinda take care of my mom's place, so she lets me stay with her.
J.D.: Well, Dan, you don't stay with her. I mean, come on, it-it-it-he's not like Greg Brady living in the attic with beads for a door. I mean... he totally has his own space. More like... uh, Kirk Cameron in the last season of 'Growing Pains', when he lived above the garage with Boner? Anyone? Am I the only one? Boner?... No?
Elliot: These heated seats are amazing. They make my butt tingle.
Dan: And every time you say that, an angel gets their wings.
Dr. Kelso: Do you people have any idea how long I've been waiting on you? Next time, if you're not here in thirty minutes or less, I expect a free dead body!... Or at least some garlic knots.
Turk: Dr. Kelso, I think that's extremely insensitive.
Dr. Kelso: I don't think so. Miss Parker, you care to weigh in?... Nope, she's fine with it. And she knows a thing or two!... Except of course that a yellow light means to slow down.
Elliot: Hey, you okay?
J.D.: Yeah... why wouldn't I be?
Elliot: You and your brother? I mean, come on, the tension on the ride back to work was palpable. I wanted to say something. I mean, I was this close to getting back in the car.
J.D.: That wouldn't have been a wise choice!
Lady: This is the problem with doctors today - they don't care!
Turk: No, no! It's just that, uh, recently I've had a lot of patients, and so it-I've gotten-I've been really busy!
Lady: Not too busy to come here in the middle of the day and stuff your face with free food!
Turk: Damn you, woman!
Turk: Oh, my God... I'm totally going to hell.
Carla: Turk, wait! People get thrown out of funerals every day!
Dr. Kelso: Hey, sport, how you doin'?
J.D.: Oh, good, sir.
Dr. Kelso: I don't have time to stand here and flirt, son. There have been rumblings that you let your brother play doctor the other day.
J.D.: Dr. Kelso, I-
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, if I had one shred of evidence that incident actually took place, you would be working with my nephew Francis so fast, it'd make your head spin!
J.D.: Sir, I don't follow.
Dr. Kelso: He cleans pools! I forgot you didn't know that!
Elliot: Isn't there... something you guys wanna talk about? You know, like cars or sports... or boobs?
Dan: I'll talk about boobs. Remember Fred Kiefer's mom?
J.D.: She wore a tank-top to Fred's thirteenth birthday party... She taught us how to bob for apples, and three guys passed out.
Elliot: Okay, great story! Now how about something with a little more substance?
Dan: Dude, remember the cans on Pat Clark's mom?
J.D.: Yeah! Those were awesome!
