Mr. Corman: Listen, I appreciate the lunch. But are you actually trying to convince me, an admittedly frugal hypochondriac, not to get a free full body scan?
Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, you're not dying of anything! Although if you do try to swipe one more bite of my lamb medallions I will be forced to kill you.
Mr. Corman: Well, look who never learned to share.

Dr. Cox: I can't believe Kelso really asked my opinion, you know?
Janitor: Look pal, if I wanted to sit and listen to someone yammer on about their lives, I'd be at my A.A. meeting right now.
Dr. Cox: Listen there scrub brush, it just so happens it was the only empty seat in the whole joint and besides, as a fellow abusive drinker you are honor-bound by bar stool protocol to listen to every last word out of my mouth.

J.D.: So, moving in together?
Elliot: Yeah. It's a little scary.
J.D.: It is scary. You know, I knew this girl in college who moved in with her boyfriend - everything changed. Stopped talking to each other, started fighting all the time and... you know the rest.
Elliot: They broke up?
J.D.: Oh no, he killed her.
Nurse: Dr. Reed, they need you to check on that stabbing victim in room 301.
J.D.: (whispers) Could be you.
Elliot: What?!
J.D.: Nothing.

Dr. Cox: Damnit all to hell Bob. I cannot believe you're gonna turn this hospital into some money making machine that coerces people into spending their hard earned cash on expensive procedures that they don't even need.
Dr. Kelso: Why not? Sounds like something I'd do.
Dr. Cox: You mark my words, if one single person gets a full body scan, I will, (pauses) I will kiss your ring.
Dr. Kelso: I will take that bet champ. You're our witness Laverne.
Laverne: How very exciting for all of us.

Baker: Miss Espinosa, it was a little difficult changing your cake at the last minute, but I was able to make it non-dairy like you requested.
Carla: My Uncle Ramon thanks you, and the rest of the people at table 3 thank you even more.

Danni: Wanting what you can't have?
J.D.: Why are you here? Hospitals don't sell cigarettes!
Todd: Man, I'd smoke her!
J.D.: Quiet time Todd.

Elliot: You guys! Guess what. I just asked Sean if he would move in with me and... tell 'em what you said!
Sean: "Yes!"
Elliot: Isn't that great!
Janitor: That is great! Isn't that great?
J.D.'s Narration: Full-lipped bastard.

Dr. Cox: Listen to me! I am not losing a bet to Bob Kelso!
Mr. Corman: All this concern about my health and my well-being, and it's about a bet!? You know what, that's a pretty reprehensible thing to do! Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a full body scan to take!... You drove me here. I'd like to see a dessert menu, please.

Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, you're not dying of anything, although if you do try to swipe one more bite of my lamb medallions, I will be forced to kill you.
Mr. Corman: Well look who never learned to share.

Mr. Corman: I wanna know everything that's wrong with me.
Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, you're not even feeling bad, you don't need this scan. If it would make you happy, we can just go ahead and do the exact same thing we've done the last fifty times you've been in here - take your temperature, draw some blood and give you a rectal. It's your basic "Aw", "Ow", "OOOWWW!".

Todd: Dude. Why is Hot Doc being so nice to you lately?
Turk: I don't know, but it's about time. I haven't had to work this hard to win someone over since Carla's mom.
Todd: I thought Carla's mom hated you?
Turk: Yeah, but she died, so I'm counting it as a win.

J.D.'s Narration: She seems almost peaceful...
Danni: Later, butt-licks!
J.D.'s Narration: Maybe not.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Turk: With Marbury, I really believe New York has a shot at the title, man.
J.D.: Yeah, me too.
Turk: Which sport are we talking about?
J.D.: I wanna say tennis...

Well, if it isn't Dr. Haircut and her not-ready-for-primetime players!

Dr. Kelso