Dr. Cox: Listen to me! I am not losing a bet to Bob Kelso!
Mr. Corman: All this concern about my health and my well-being, and it's about a bet!? You know what, that's a pretty reprehensible thing to do! Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a full body scan to take!... You drove me here. I'd like to see a dessert menu, please.

J.D.: So, moving in together?
Elliot: Yeah. It's a little scary.
J.D.: It is scary. You know, I knew this girl in college who moved in with her boyfriend - everything changed. Stopped talking to each other, started fighting all the time and... you know the rest.
Elliot: They broke up?
J.D.: Oh no, he killed her.
Nurse: Dr. Reed, they need you to check on that stabbing victim in room 301.
J.D.: (whispers) Could be you.
Elliot: What?!
J.D.: Nothing.

Mr. Corman: Listen, I appreciate the lunch. But are you actually trying to convince me, an admittedly frugal hypochondriac, not to get a free full body scan?
Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, you're not dying of anything! Although if you do try to swipe one more bite of my lamb medallions I will be forced to kill you.
Mr. Corman: Well, look who never learned to share.

Baker: Miss Espinosa, it was a little difficult changing your cake at the last minute, but I was able to make it non-dairy like you requested.
Carla: My Uncle Ramon thanks you, and the rest of the people at table 3 thank you even more.

Danni: Wanting what you can't have?
J.D.: Why are you here? Hospitals don't sell cigarettes!
Todd: Man, I'd smoke her!
J.D.: Quiet time Todd.

Dr. Cox: Damnit all to hell Bob. I cannot believe you're gonna turn this hospital into some money making machine that coerces people into spending their hard earned cash on expensive procedures that they don't even need.
Dr. Kelso: Why not? Sounds like something I'd do.
Dr. Cox: You mark my words, if one single person gets a full body scan, I will, (pauses) I will kiss your ring.
Dr. Kelso: I will take that bet champ. You're our witness Laverne.
Laverne: How very exciting for all of us.

Mr. Corman: I wanna know everything that's wrong with me.
Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, you're not even feeling bad, you don't need this scan. If it would make you happy, we can just go ahead and do the exact same thing we've done the last fifty times you've been in here - take your temperature, draw some blood and give you a rectal. It's your basic "Aw", "Ow", "OOOWWW!".

Sean: Yeah, and I gotta get up early and look for an apartment.
Elliot: Yeah, he wouldn't take this perfect one he saw today just 'cause the last tenant died there.
Sean: Elliot! Rats ate his tongue out!
Elliot: Yeah, but the kitchen was so cute!

J.D.'s Narration: I think that the problem with most people who want what they can't have is that, when they actually get the thing they covet, they don't want it anymore. But not this guy.
Elliot: Well, Dr. Dorian, you have me. You finally have me.
She snuggles close to him, and he finally takes a moment to realize what he has
J.D.'s Narration: Oh, my God! I DON'T WANT HER!

Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman, you're not dying of anything, although if you do try to swipe one more bite of my lamb medallions, I will be forced to kill you.
Mr. Corman: Well look who never learned to share.

Dr. Cox: I can't believe Kelso really asked my opinion, you know?
Janitor: Look pal, if I wanted to sit and listen to someone yammer on about their lives, I'd be at my A.A. meeting right now.
Dr. Cox: Listen there scrub brush, it just so happens it was the only empty seat in the whole joint and besides, as a fellow abusive drinker you are honor-bound by bar stool protocol to listen to every last word out of my mouth.

J.D.'s Narration: She seems almost peaceful...
Danni: Later, butt-licks!
J.D.'s Narration: Maybe not.

Scrubs Season 3 Quotes

Hey, look, Gandhi, now just because you broke out your little Fisher-Price surgery set and somehow managed to not kill somebody for once, doesn't mean you're queen of the world.

Dr. Cox

J.D.: What should I do?
J.D.'s Narration: That was a huge mistake. Because the closer Turk and Carla got to their wedding, the more they became one of those annoying couples that thought they knew everything about relationships.
Turk/Carla: Look, J.D...
Turk: You first, honey.
Carla: J.D., love is like a butterfly. Hold it too tight and... you'll crush it.
Turk: Too loose and it flies away.