Seinfeld Quotes
Naomi: I thought you were happy-go-lucky.
Jerry: No, no, no, I'm not happy, I'm not lucky, and I don't go. If anything, I'm sad-stop-unlucky.
Bubble Boy: Okay, "History", this is for the game. How ya doing over there? Not too good!
George: Alright Bubble Boy, let's just play. Who invaded Spain in the 8th century?
Bubble Boy: That's a joke The Moors.
George: Ohhh no! I'm so sorry it's the Moops! The correct answer is the Moops!
Jerry: He's a bubble boy.
George: A bubble boy?
Jerry: Yes, a bubble boy.
Susan: What's a bubble boy?
Jerry: He lives in a bubble.
George: Boy.
Susan: So what kind of a bubble, like an igloo?
Jerry: No, that's what I thought. But apparently it's just a big piece of plastic, dividing the room.
George: What kind of plastic do you think it is? Like that dry cleaning plastic?
Jerry: That's no good. He wouldn't last 10 minutes in there!
Elaine: Well, what about the sleeping arrangements in the cabin?
Jerry: Well, um, same bed and uh, underwear and a tee shirt.
Elaine: What about me?
Jerry: You'll be naked, of course.
(to George) Let me see if I understand this - in other words, you held out for LESS money?!
Jerry
Kramer: Have we been intimate?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah we've been intimate.
Kramer: And how often do we do it?
Elaine: Kramer! How is that important? Honestly, do you really think he's going to ask you that?
Kramer: Elaine, he's a psychiatrist. They're interested in stuff like that.
Elaine: All right, all right. We do it, uh five times a week. Okay?
Kramer: Ooooh baby!
Helen: She's beautiful.
Jerry: She's not beautiful.
Helen: I think she's beautiful.
Jerry: So you ask her out.
Uncle Leo: I just talked to Dr. Dembrow's son. He said they almost had to call the police.
Morty: What are you talking about? I'm the one who should've called the police. They stole my wallet.
Uncle Leo: You know how hard it was for me to get that appointment for you? You can't just walk in on this guy. He did me a personal favor.
Morty: All right, Leo.
Uncle Leo: And you walked out without paying.
Morty: How was I supposed to pay? I didn't have my wallet.
Uncle Leo: Well, I hope you send him a check.
Morty: What for?
Uncle Leo: What for? This man was nice enough to see you. He did me a personal favor.
Morty: That's the second time you said "personal favor." Why do you keep saying that?
Uncle Leo: I said it once.
Morty: Twice! And Dembrow doesn't even know you. His son happens to live on your floor.
Helen: Why did you tell this crazy guy that Kramer didn't invite him to his party?
Jerry: I didn't know he wasn't invited.
Morty: Hey, these are very comfortable pants. You know what I paid for these Jerry?
Helen: So why did you say anything?
Jerry: It was a mistake.
Morty: They're good around the house and they're good for outside!
(monologue) Don't you hate "to be continued" on TV? It's horrible when you sense the "to be continued" coming. You know, you're watching the show You're into the story. There's like five minutes left and suddenly you realize, "Hey, they can't make it! Timmy's still stuck in the cave! There's no way they're gonna wrap this up in five minutes!" I mean, the whole reason you watch a TV show is because it ends. If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life. A comedian can't do that, see. I can't go, "A man walks into a bar with a pig under his arm -- Can you come back next week?"
Jerry
Elaine, do you remember your dream where you had a sexual encounter with a Chinese woman?
Dr Reston
