Carl: What's that smell?
Counselor: Fresh air.

Challenges foster growth!


I just wish you'd given me a heads up before I went with the whole whore thing. I don't want our kids first impression of you to be that you're a whore.


I know school was never you thing, but you've never been dumb.

Fiona [to Kev]

Asking him to pick me over them is asking me to change the thing I loved the most.


He snapped it falling in the bathtub falling like an old Florida jew.


She is a crazy bitch and not crazy bitch like you're a crazy bitch "oh bitch you're so crazy," no she once tried to beat me to death with a frozen bitch because I asked if there was more broccoli.


Kick ass, take names...and don't blow anyone.


When you grow up in this house you think nothing could shock you anymore but then...what is it with men and their Johnsons?


So the ghetto girl thinks she can live the American Dream, huh?

Lip [to Fiona]

When you're poor, the only way to make money is to steal it or scam it.


You get along a lot better with a weapon and a kind word than a kind word alone.

Frank [to Debbie]

Shameless Quotes

Ian: Hey Fiona? I'm gay.
Fiona: I know.

We’re all addicts Fiona, trying to fill a void. Some of us are just better at hiding it, right?