South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 3 Quotes
Now for the weather. It's f(beep)king hot thanks to Randy Marsh, son of a bitch.
Anchorman
Mr. Mackey: Hi boys!
Stan and Kyle: (imitating Mackey) Hello, Mr. Mackey.
Mr. Mackey: Have you boys been sure to pass gas so that you don't spontaneously combust?
Kyle: We know how to fart, Mr. Mackey.
Mr. Mackey: Well let me show you. (pats his butt) Oooh, baby, come on.
(Mr. Mackey farts and boys cover their noses and mouths)
Kyle: Jesus Christ!
Stan: Sick, dude!
Mr. Mackey: I had a steak wrapped with bacon last night. (giggles)
Kyle: Dude, I think you pulled mud.
Mr. Mackey: So you know you need to do that regularly, mmmkay.
Stan: Okay, okay, just go away. (Mackey goes away) Dude, that was not cool at all.
Stand back, people, give the little burnt boy some breathing room!
Officer Barbrady
(After being rescued by Chef)
Chef: Eric, i have to tell you something and it's really gonna bum you out.
Cartman: What?
Chef: It'll really piss you off.
Cartman: What, tell me!
Chef: This is just a dream, you're still up on that cross.
(Cartman wakes up an realizes he's still on the cross)
Cartman: Oh, dammit!
(Randy, after having been shunned by the town, is carrying the Micheal Angelo's "David" style statue of himself like Jesus carried the cross while being pelted with rocks )
Randy: Mr. Garrison, Mr. Garrison! You've got to help me!
Mr. Garrison: I, I do not know you, sir.
(Kyle walks in on his parents in bed together)
Kyle: Don't worry guys, I'm getting an erection as we speak! Well actually it's Cartman that's getting the erection but after he's gonna come over and give it to you, so buck up!
(Kyle leaves)
Sheila: We have a very strange little boy Gerald.
As soon as I get my superpowers, I'm gonna smote you two assholes off the planet!
Cartman
Newscaster: The spontaneous combustion problem escalates as more and more people go back to holding in all their farts. Meanwhile, the ozone layer continues to deplete as others refuse to hold in their farts for fear of combustion. As we all know, the cause for all of this is Randy Marsh, the son of a bitch who calls himself a scientist. We caught up with Mr. Marsh earlier today and he had this to say:
Randy Marsh: Uhh, I, I don't know what to say--
(Cuts back to the newscaster.)
Newscaster: What an asshole! I hate that guy and so do you! And now onto the weather! It' f(beep)king hot! Thanks to Randy Marsh; son of a bitch.
Stan: Dad, where's our Bible?
Randy: Not now Stan, I have to figure out what makes people spontaneously combust. Or else.
Stan: Or else what?
Randy: Exactly.
Stan: What?
Randy: Right.
(Stan and Kyle arrive at Cartman's cross, three weeks after crucifying him)
Kyle: Wow!
Stan: That's amazing!
Cartman: (Not in view) You guys, I am really pissed off now!
Kyle: You're still alive?!
Cartman: Get me down from hyah!
Stan: You survived all this time on all the fat stored up in your body?
(camera switches to show a shrivelled Cartman on the cross)
Cartman: That's right. And when I get down from here, I'm gonna kick you both right in the nuts!
Getting Gay With Kids is here!
The GGWK Choir
Kyle: Hey maybe Cartman was right.
Stan: Yea, it did happen one time before.
