Mr. Garrison Sr.: Would you have sex with your son to save his life? Man at bar 1: Oh, this is one of them scruples questions ain't it? Man at bar 2: No, no I got a better one: Would you have sex with your motherto save your father's life? Man at bar 1: You mean like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said if you don't have sex with her, I'll kill him? Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said "have sex with your mother or I'm gonna kill your father while having sex with you, I would have sex with myself.
Jimbo: Hey Ned, look what I got you: a new voicebox! (Ned reaches for it, but Jimbo blocks it) You want it? You want it? Here you go! Ned: (Irish accent) Jimbo, I can't thank you enough for the new voicebox! What in the devil is this, then? Jimbo: Sorry, Ned. I must have picked up the irish model by mistake. Ned: Oh, what a bloody pickle this is. Did you keep the receipt, then? (A man walks in) Man: Jimbo, Ned, come quick! Jimbo: What's going on? Man: They've found another Jakovasaur! Ned: Blimey.