Jim: So, Jude is the gay son?
Diane: Yeah, I think so.

Carter [crying]: I'm so messed up.
Jude: I know. It's OK. You're OK.
Carter: Will you stay until I fall asleep?
Jude: Sure.

Diane: Do your other adoptive kids ever see their real parents?
Stef: We're their real parents.
Diane: Oh, of course. I mean their real mothers and fathers.

Jamie: What were you and my sister talking about, the prenup?
Callie: You know about that? Have you read it?
Jamie: No, but I know my father, and I'm sure it's not entirely fair Brandon.

Callie: She thinks I don't want you to marry her.
Brandon: Maybe I don't want to marry her. I'm just suddenly questioning if she's the one.
Callie: Why are you having doubts? Because of the prenup?
Brandon: I mean, it's everything, you know? I'm suddenly questioning if she really even gets me, you know? Maybe nobody does.
Callie: I get you.
Brandon: You're the only person who has ever really taken care of me. Like when you found me at Coachella because you knew I would be there. If you hadn't brought me back I don't know what I would have done. I think you're the person that I trust most in the world.
Callie: Ditto.

Stef: Kinda crazy that our kids have been dating for two years and we barely know each other. Not for lack of trying.
Diane: Yeah, that's on us.

Jamie: Why do you assume all corporate lawyers are charlatans?
Callie: Why do you feel you need to mansplain what my job is as a lawyer?

Jim: So, how do you feel about Brandon's job prospects?
Stef: How do you mean?
Jim: Well the entertainment industry is so unpredictable, right? How many jobs are there scoring in television and movies?
Lena: Well, there's also documentaries and training films, commercials, and gaming videos.
Stef: There are probably less career opportunities in classical music, and yet Eliza is succeeding.
Diane: Yes, of course, but with daughters, there is much less pressure to provide.

Eliza's parents are paying for everything, so if they're happy, she's happy, and if she's happy, I'm happy.


They're from Orange County. They probably voted for that orange man. That Twitter twit. The one whose name will not be spoken in this house.


Jim: I'm pretty sure they wouldn't much like our friends.
Stef: Why is that?
Diane: Oh, they're really traditional. They're not nearly as interesting as all of you.

Go to India, Emma. It's obvious you're not ready for this, but I can't wait for you anymore.