Martin: Hello big brother. Save me Rupert, I love you so. You’re still so predictable – your soft heart, your stubbornness, your stupidity.
Seb: What did you do to him?
Martin: Who, Lance? Never even met him. He must have moved on centuries ago. Spent some time in the library with my batty old writer friend Cassandra reading about the lengths you were going to to save him. You didn’t work nearly so hard to save me from Plover, did you?
Seb: Of course I did until I couldn’t. I had to save everyone from you. You chose the dark path.
Martin: Says the Dark King. Anyways, reading about you made me realize after everything you did to stop me you were going to give me everything I needed to have Fillory forever.

Fen: Way easier to get in than out.
Zelda: Like so many things in life.

Penny: I know I told you you shouldn’t do it, but I will protect you, OK, somehow. I know a way to get to Jane Chatwin. She’ll help us, and you can go back to before.
Plum: Listen…
Penny: You can go back and stop Julia from dying, please.
Plum: We can’t.
Penny: Why the fuck not?
Plum: Because we already did.

Seb: I survived the war, losing Lance, my family torn apart by a monster who said he would take care of my brother, and I thought one thing, I just want to use magic for one thing I want.
Eliot: You knew better.
Seb: I had to try. You couldn’t understand that.
Eliot: But I do understand. I always did.
Seb: Eliot what was the plan before I…
Eliot: My friends are here. They’re rapturing everyone so we can destroy this planet – that we love by the way, but we have to – to destroy you. You let us no choice Seb.
Seb: It could still work. I could cut up the door to the underworld to stop Martin from bringing anymore dead through. Don’t try to cast. You’ll hurt yourself.
Eliot: It’s not like the zombies are coming.
Seb: Go, find your friends. I can hold off the dead. It’s not like they can kill me.
Eliot: No, they can rip you to shreds, and then we kill you anyway.
Seb: Eliot, go.
Eliot: Do you not get that I don’t want you to die. You’re not evil, you’re just…just some deluded asshole that I care about.

Zelda: This room is warded but not for long. That way a portal will take you to Brakeblls. Go. Alice, when you recover the seed…
Alice: I only have one good hand we need you. I can’t…
Zelda: There’s something master magicians know: You can never fully control external circumstances -- they may even be actively hostile -- but you can control the ones inside you. And one hand is plenty. I’ve always known you’ll get there.
Alice: But today?
Zelda: Try, OK. Just try. Go now, hurry.
Alice: Come with us.
Zelda: I can’t. I’m going to have to initiate permafrost. It’ll stop the dead from using the fountains to get to other worlds. Once I initiate, every portal will close within minutes.
Alice: We can’t just leave you here.
Zelda: For a Librarian, death isn’t the end. It is merely a transfer to another branch. Go.
Alice: Wait Zelda. Thank you, for everything.

Hyman: No. Hard pass as the kids say. Niete. Indian yes. Ah hell no. Anyway I’m not speaking to you.
Margo: Just wait. Do you not understand?
Hyman: Do you not understand you’re asking me to travel as a world explodes. Can you promise me no debris will hit me on my head.
Eliot: Well no, but…
Hyman: Things on my head hurt.
Margo: Life is pain. Ovary up.
Hyman: I am not a hero. I am a man tethered to a machine for poop and humiliation, and I abhor it. I said good day.

Alice: It’s ready Fen.
Fen: Do I just?
Alice: Talk to it. Your memories.
Fen: Uh, I remember the Silver Banks and Chatwins’ Torrent and, uh, the Shankly Boar – uh, that was weird. I, uh, there’s Robin Bay, and…
Josh: Nothing’s happening.
Margo: Fuck Fen.
Alice: You can’t just describe it. You need to give it your memories.
Fen: Oh OK, my Fillory. I remember the first time I saw a Pegasus. I was 10. Only in Fillory. I remember the first time I saw my dad use magic to make a knife, and then he wouldn’t show me because I’m a girl. I remember my dad gave me away to a stranger, and that’s when I realized Fillory kinda sucks sometimes.
Josh: What are you doing?
Fen: I’m taking about my Fillory. That place could be, uh, backwards as shit, and I’m thinking I don’t want to replicate that.
Josh: We kinda need a wellspring, so…
Fen: Right. Can I just have the best of Fillory, the best of us, of earth, plus the best of those cool movies Todd and I watched. That’s the home I want. That’s what we deserve.

Josh: Sorry I was really stoned the last time I did this but time to discuss your shortcut. Margo?
Margo: Yeah there isn’t one. What do you want me to say? Somebody had to egg up and do this, and I am Margo the Destroyer.
Eliot: I didn’t name you that just so you…
Margo: Could get destroyed while destroying.
Eliot: Yeah.
Margo: Yeah, I’m not wild about it either, but this thing’s gotta get done, so…
Eliot: We’ll all go.
Josh: Yes, we’ll all go.
Margo: Stop. If I learned one thing from Quentin – one – is sometimes you sacrifice for those you love. I’m doing this so you two can live, so don’t you dare follow me.

Eliot: Charlton, you look like you.
Charlton: I also feel like me. If you touch me but also inside. It’s nice.
Eliot: Well this is weird.
Charlton: Good weird. I have an awkward question. I often ask myself what you’d say and the answer is, ‘Of course not. Don’t be stupid, Charlton. Eliot isn’t the kind of guy…
Eliot: Charlton, ask.
Charlton: I wonder whether you could ever be romantically inclined toward someone like me.
Eliot: Uh, a thousand-year-old Fillorian in a pervert ghost’s body wearing a transfiguration amulet?
Charlton: A man who knows you well, is emotionally available, and plans to stick around.
Eliot: Well shit, Charlton.
Charlton: Are we going somewhere?
Eliot: Upstairs, to explore this further.
Charlton: Fuck.

Julia: Where should we start?
Penny: I guess at the top.
Julia: I’m sorry there’s always another quest. I know you wanted to just…
Penny: Make a home?
Julia: Yeah.
Penny: Yeah, and this is a bat shit way to do it, but it is a way. Plus, someone’s gotta find those idiots.
Julia: Shit’s never what we think it’s gonna be.

Eliot: Charlton, in Hyman-esque form.
Charlton: Here you are in your happy place but you don’t seem happy.
Eliot: I thought being here and teaching would help, but it hasn’t. I miss them. I feel lost and alone without them. Margo, all of them. I even miss Fillory. Do you think… there’s no way Seb survived.
Charlton: Probably not. Fillory’s gone but maybe it’s better now. Maybe now he’s somewhere with someone who loves him. You’re not alone, you now, Eliot. Oh gods, I am still not used to how strong alcohol is.
Eliot: Keep drinking. It’ll come.

Lipson: I’m not doing this, OK. This is banned in 14 countries. The cat will hold all his crazy, but only while he’s touching it.
Plum: What happens to the cat?
Lipson: It goes, well, crazy. Don’t tell PETA.

The Magicians Quotes

Margo: Let’s review: Emergency code words if this all goes shit-shaped.
Eliot: Umm …
Margo: Really?
Eliot: Kidding. OK, as follows: credenza, no questions asked; inglenook, tie those fools up and toss them through the Fillory portal; chifforobe, flee to Canada; armoire, shield up stat, kimono …
Together: All hell’s broken loose.

Take your shirt off and make me a sandwich.