Benedict: Your majesty if I may. I understand what you’re contemplating. I’ve thought about it, too. Though I have never spoken about it, of course.
Quentin: Why not?
Benedict: Well, you know what parents teach you about emotions. That you should bottle them up and never talk about them. And turn them into maps, for example.
Quentin: Jesus Benedict, we should talk about this.
Benedict: If it pleases you sire. But first, why don’t we step away from the edge of the boat.

Eliot: We have a problem much bigger than sleeping beauty over here. The fairies are up to something in the northern orchirds. They evacuated the villagers weeks ago and haven’t let another human in since. Except S came through on his way to Loria and he saw some crazy shit. Rivers running red, three-eyed fanged toads, mutant plant life. Chernobyl level shit. I think the fairies might be poisoning the ecosystem.
Margo: Great. Well, now I can’t be mad at you. Thanks.
Eliot: I know. I wanted to fight to so that we could make up and on the other side of it we could just --
Margo: Be us again? Who are we now El? We used to be glamorous amazing mega bitches. And now? We have depth and character.

Penny: Wait! Stop! Do not do this!
Julia: Did you just use that fish as a doorbell?
Penny: I’ve been trying to warn you guys for like an hour. Being the fish button is the first thing in this entire room that’s worked.
Alice: What are you trying to warn us about?
Penny: This spell. I’ve seen it, in person.
Julia: Are you serious?
Penny: Yeah. A couple months back on a book stealing job, I saw a group of magically starved idiots do the transfer. And by the end of it, everyone was on fire.

Incubus: You’ve got two minutes.
Julia: Henry fog said that you might be able to help us power our spell. We just… we need to use your thing.
Incubus: My what?
Alice: Uh, you’re thing. You’re business.
Incubus: Sorry?
Alice: Your little friend. Uh--I mean--your big friend. Well, I’m--I’m sure your friend is perfectly proportioned to your body.

Julia: What did you do to me?
Our Lady Underground: I planted a seed for you to grow.
Julia: Without telling me? Or asking me?
Our Lady Underground: I’ve tried to guide you as gently as I could.
Julia: I saw his eyes. I saw Reynard’s eyes.
Our Lady Underground: Because the seed comes from him.
Julia: Are you kidding me?

Eliot: Deja vu.
Quentin: Peaches and plums. Peaches and plums.
Eliot: Peaches and plums. I got so old.
Quentin: You died.
Eliot: I died. You had a wife. And we had a family.
Quentin: How did we remember that?
Eliot: I don’t know.

Penny: Look I know it’s weird, but at least I’m not stuck in the fucking underworld for a billion years.
Kady: Why are you acting like this is good news?
Penny: Because… I’m not dead.
Kady: Yeah, well I almost was. Look at me. Look at where I am!
Penny: I know. And I’m sorry.
Kady: I tried to save you and I failed. And it broke me.

Alice: Hi. I was just leaving.
Quentin: Oh wait. Hi. Um…
Alice: And don’t talk shit on Penny. He’s here. He’s coming with me.
Quentin: Um… okay. Hi Penny. So, um, okay. You heard about Brakebills, right?
Alice: [Silence]
Quentin: Well it turns out the physical cottage has been magically moved so many times, there’s no valid deed on it. So, like, you can’t sell something you don’t own. So we can um…
Alice: I’m sorry. I’m s-sorry. I’m not trying to make it weird. It’s just weird now. It just is. It’s just weird. Sorry. So I’m gonna take the key so I can see Penny and then I’ll bring it back. Kay.
Quentin: You guys have fun.

Eliot: Turns out, the key creates illusions of what you most fear. Hence, my dad. I told my father that the guys in the tent didn’t know the difference between a tractor and a backhoe. And so he went to set them straight.
Quentin: You saying--you fed your dad to cannibals?
Eliot: An illusion of him. But yes. It was very cathartic. There was lots of screaming on both sides.

Why is nobody crying? I saved all your asses so many times. Appreciate me!


Alice: I didn’t know where else to go. After the burial I can’t be in the same room as my mom.
Quentin: Well we could really use your help finding these keys, bringing magic back--
Alice: Honestly, I don’t think we should.
Quentin: Okay. I don’t really know where to begin with that. I mean, for starters this is our quest. I sort of feel like we were elected. It’s magic. Jesus Alice, I--
Alice: You turn it back on what happens to your dad? Sometimes I want magic back more than anything. And sometimes I look around and I see what a mess we made with it.

Hyman: Ssshhut up. Shut up!
Julia: Hey.
Quentin: Hey. How’s Kady?
Julia: Sleeping it off in the infirmary.
Quentin: How did you know to knock down her door?
Julia: Just a… feeling.
Quentin: Okay.
Hyman: They’re my favorite pairing. The tension between them. Friends for years, but he’s always loved her.

The Magicians Quotes

Eliot: Deja vu.
Quentin: Peaches and plums. Peaches and plums.
Eliot: Peaches and plums. I got so old.
Quentin: You died.
Eliot: I died. You had a wife. And we had a family.
Quentin: How did we remember that?
Eliot: I don’t know.

Dean: Snuck a box of Oreos.
Quentin: Magicians can't eat Oreos?
Dean: Diabetics can't eat Oreos.