God, I love a man who steals my food.

Miriam "Midge" Maisel

Miriam "Midge" Maisel: We’re a Jewish household, so my son was circumcised a week after he was born. My daughter’s trauma will have to wait until she’s old enough to go clothes shopping with my mother.
Rose Weissman: Well, that’s fair.

I was born famous.

Lenny Bruce

Mike Carr: I can feel your eyes burning a hole through my head.
Susie Myerson: You’re lucky I’m not staring at your balls.

Ladies and gentlemen, making her first but definitely not last appearance on The Gordon Ford Show, may I present the magnificent, the magical, the marvelous Mrs. Maisel!

Gordon Ford

Miriam “Midge” Maisel: Any animal -- what would you be?
Susie Myerson: Skunk.
Miriam “Midge” Maisel: Why?
Susie Myerson: Great fur, cute face, and your ass is a weapon!

You go on with your life. File shit away, you don’t expect to ever have to deal with it again, and there they are, you know? Walking right back into your life, uninvited, just standing there. And they don’t even have the decency to get fat or unattractive or stupid or dull. And now they’re blonde! Fuckin’ blonde!

Susie Myerson

Look, you started your career by getting up on a stage that no one told you to get up on, saying a bunch of shit no one wanted you to say. So, tits up.

Susie Myerson

Susie Myerson: Are you serious?
Miriam “Midge” Maisel: I’m Antigone without the laughs.

Sometimes it takes falling in the shower for everything to become very clear.

Moishe Maisel

Change, to our predecessors, were sudden, exogenous events -- earthquakes, floods, an eclipse, a saber-toothed tiger lunging at you out of nowhere. They were things to be dealt with in the moment. Then things naturally reverted back to the norm. But now change happens over you. Change itself is the flood. Change itself is the saber-tooth. Change itself is the norm.


I have to see if my granddaughter is the grandson I’ve been waiting for.

Abe Weissman

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Quotes

Susie: Tess, I have seen you let your tit fall out of your shirt for a free beer.
Tess: Imported beer.

That’s life. Shit happens. You should be a bigger man and just let it go. Well, I’m a woman so, fuck that.

Miriam "Midge" Maisel