The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Episode 14: "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy" Quotes
Mr. Peterson, you can take this job and...fill it! And one more thing...I never once washed my hands. That's your policy, not mine.
Grampa
What's eatin' you, Abe? For three weeks all you've been talking about is meeting Matlock. Now you've met him, swiped his pills (reads label) "Take one every hour to prevent spastic heart convulsions" (An ambulance drives by with its siren blaring inside a doctor yells out "Clear!") but you ain't said a word.
Jasper
Stacy Lavelle: We'll call her Lisa Lionheart.
Bart: No, Loudmouth Lisa! Stupid Lisa Garbage Face! I can't take this anymore! Somebody pay attention to me! Look at me!
I shouldn't be listening to complaints, I should be making them with you guys! The good Lord lets us grow old for a reason; to gain the wisdom to find fault with everything He's made.
Grampa
(At the toy store)
Lisa: I'm warning you, Mom, I may get a little crazy.
Marge: I understand. When I was your age--
Lisa: (attacking another girl) Hey, horseface, get your ugly paws off that summer fun set!
I'd be mortified if someone ever made a lousy product with the Simpson name on it.
We need some more secret sauce. Put this mayonnaise in the sun.
Mr. Peterson
Lisa: Change what she says. It's your company.
Stacy Lavelle: Not since I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn't cost effective.
Lisa: That's awful.
Stacy Lavelle: Well, that, and I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong.
Lisa: This is great. They're really going to sell our doll!
Stacy Lavelle: Well, it wasn't difficult. I just told them who I was, and who you were, and they couldn't resist.
Lisa: Really?
Stacy Lavelle: Well, I didn't tell them who you were.
Lisa: You know, if we get through to just that one little girl, it'll all be worth it!
Stacy Lavelle: Yes. Particularly if that little girl happens to pay $46,000 for that doll.
Lisa: What?
Stacy Lavelle: Oh, nothing.
Executive: Our one effort to put a stop to this Lisa Lionheart thing has failed miserably. Gentlemen, we have to reinvent Malibu Stacy for the nineties. We'll stay here all night if need be!
Man: Can we order Chinese food?
Executive: (long pause) Yes.
Kent Brockman's Daughter: My new doll is much better than Malibu Stacy. Do a newscast about her.
Kent Brockman: Ho ho, please, honey, Daddy's job is to bring people important news. Right now I'm busy preparing a report about the fortieth anniversary of Beetle Bailey.
Kent Brockman's Daughter: Oh, Daddy, that is boring. Talk about the dolly!
Kent Brockman: Well, you were right about the Berlin Wall.
