Homer's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar! (gasp) But what else is open at night?
Homer: It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.

• Permalink: Don't tell him you were at a bar! But what else is open at nigh...
• Added: February 24, 2010

It may be on a lousy channel, but the Simpsons are on TV!

Homer

• Permalink: It may be on a lousy channel, but the Simpsons are on TV!
• Added: February 24, 2010

Kent: Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pie is on the scene.
(Arnie is doing a live remote by helicopter)
Arnie: Everything's snowed in! All I can see is white!
Kent: Arnie, please! The ski conditions.
Arnie: (Camera is upsidedown) Mayday! Mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I lo- (Static)
Kent: That's great, Arnie!

• Permalink: Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's ...
• Added: February 24, 2010

Homer: My prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage.
Bart: You are fully bonded and licensed by the city, aren't you, Mr. Plow?
Homer: Shut up, boy.

• Permalink: My prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage. ...
• Added: February 24, 2010

Bart: Who's up at 3:17 AM watching TV?
Homer: Alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners...

• Permalink: 17 AM watching TV? Alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners....
• Added: February 24, 2010

Homer: There's a $10,000 bill in it for you.
Barney: Oh yeah? Which president's on it?
Homer: Uh, all of them. They're having a party. Jimmy Carter's passed out on the couch.

• Permalink: There's a $10,000 bill in it for you. Oh yeah? Which presiden...
• Added: February 24, 2010